#which leads me to believe that it can be nothing short of fully intentional

[ruindunburnit]

In House of Night news, it has suddenly occurred to me (far later than it should have) that the Tulsa House of Night, located in a state with at least three major Native nations and reservations, where more than 7% of the population is Native, has only one named Native character in attendance - Zoey Redbird.

My good friends, what the fuck.

[theonekrafter]

Hey! I just recently found your Magneto fic and I am absolutely obsessed. Any updates coming in the future?

i’m super glad you enjoyed magneto! this ask has gotten me to finally put a discontinued in the description of magneto. it’s not at ALL because of you in particular, but i’ve realized by putting off adding it to the description i’ll keep giving people false hope. forgive me if i use this ask for a tediously long post describing why exactly i will never update magneto, so i can link it easily for anyone with similar questions in the future. 😭

so. short answer? no. magneto will probably never be updated. i’m really sorry for that. my interests have changed since graduating high school and i don’t really want to write bnha anymore.

long answer?

i started writing magneto pre-pandemic during my junior year of high school. i had seen there was only about a 100 self inserts for bnha at the time and thought “well, if i post something it’ll probably get a lot of attention, since the fandom is growing in popularity a lot and there’s a scarcity here!” 2019 was an interesting year for fanfic in bnha, since it didn't have enough content for the growing eyes looking for it.

i ended up being very correct. too correct. i actively updated magneto over the course of half a year, roughly, and in that time it rapidly climbed in attention. since 2020 ive only updated it about twice(?) and that hasn’t deterred the new readers it’s gotten. i get comments every other day asking about updates.

magneto is currently the most kudo-ed bnha si-oc on the entirety of ao3. which is fucking insane. i don’t think it deserves it, but popularity is rarely about deserving. usually it’s about being just good enough, just novel enough, and being posted at the right time.

but i digress: it doesn’t feel possible for me to update magneto for a variety of reasons.

1) my disinterest in the setting would make any future update disingenuous.

i haven’t been actively into the bnha fandom in about four years now. i don’t really read bnha fic aside from the very occasional si-oc, nor have i kept up with the manga or anime. the only fic i’ve ever written for the fandom is magneto, and it’ll probably always be my only fic for the fandom. (watch me say that and be wrong in the next few years LMAO)

it would be really rude of me to stomp into a space i don’t even like anymore and post something lackluster and lacking in passion. especially with the express intention of gaining more engagement from readers. like it or not, magneto IS the most popular si for bnha, and i think i drive attention away from better books by updating and inadvertently preserving that position in the ranking.

I can't believe no one has written any "self-insert as Bakugou" fanfics yet what a bunch of cowards by the_incidental_author and i have jostled back and forth for that #1 kudo-ed spot for the past five years. which i admit has been fun, but i would very much like for them to overtake me. it’s clear (to me, at least) that they actually enjoy writing bnha more than me and update more often to boot.

i fully welcome ANY fic to take magneto's position at this point, if only so that less people comment how poorly written it is. which leads me into my next point.

2) my writing style has SIGNIFICANTLY changed over the past five years.

when i do my yearly reread of magneto i actively cringe and have to resist the urge to rewrite every chapter in a separate google doc. in any hypothetical world where i do add to magneto, i do a complete rewrite. in no particular order, the things i would change are:

kenzo being defined by three character traits and nothing else. her exhaustion, her mild spite for her father, and her aimless wandering through the plot

better grammar. dear god the grammar errors. dear god the SPELLING ERRORS

the pov characters being more developed and feeling more like Individual People with their own personal motivations and histories that are not defined by what the plot needs from them (cough, reacting to how cool kenzo is)

not just recapping each anime episode and stating what kenzo would do in that situation

placing greater focus on the way quirk society discriminates against those with undesirable quirks and backgrounds. what does it really mean to be the child of a criminal in a world where people assume that sort of thing is hereditary?

kenzo's classmates should've been more classist in general, especially in relation to quirk discrimination. UA is a school only the most wealthy and powerful get into, there's no way there wouldn't be social disconnects that create tension between a dead eyed daughter of a villain and more than a few nepo babies.

if you have any interest in naruto, skyrim, asoiaf or dragon age you've probably read my more recent fics. fluffy clouds and a tinge of wonder, the fic i have updated the most this year, is a really good example of how significantly my writing has evolved since starting magneto in 2019. my technical skill and style have changed enough that it just would be tonally jarring for me to update magneto without outright rewriting everything.

like. im being so fr with you right now, i didn't learn how to start outlining until about a YEAR AGO. magneto was written on a chapter by chapter basis with little idea of where exactly it was going. i implied that there would be a future confrontation between kenzo and her father, but i didn't have any idea of HOW that would occur or even what the consequences of it would be.

adding to magneto as it is would be like trying to add a sleeve to a shirt that's missing it's entire back panel and most of it's front. i'd be playing catch up with the plot and end up having to rewrite previous chapters anyways.

3) bnha commentors have been kind of really mean to me compared to other fandoms i've written for LMAO

ok. please don't draw and quarter me for this. MOST commentors have been extremely complimentary, and kind. besides the occasional bomb of like seven comments in my inbox of ten hearts from one user (which, sweet, but please don't do that) the bnha fandom has been totally fine.

but a very small minority have been really pushy about making me update a fic i have clearly not touched in two years, and realistically haven't actively updated in four. from comments just saying "wow this is great. update soon." to DETAILED reviews of how bad my fic is and how they can't believe how garbage like magneto is so popular.

which like. i don't feel personally attacked by? i fully agree that magneto is bad for the previously stated reasons. i wouldn't read magneto if i were a casual reader and hadn't written it. usually the second kind of comment really annoys me because of it's presumption of importance and for how soul crushing it would have been for sixteen-year-old me to read.

bnha as a fandom, especially in recent years, has felt more and more like they treat fic like something that is created in a vacuum. souless content that exists for readers to consume. the comments don't go to an inbox, they go to a void, so really it doesn't matter if i say something really belligerent to an author i don't know about a Self Insert Fanfic They Wrote In Between Rehearsals For Their High School Play.

but whatever. if it had just been me experiencing that i would've written it off as like just my fic, but a close friend and frequent cowriter of mine Reavv has dealt with this a lot more than me.

they wrote It's a like a time travel comedy, without the comedy, another very popular bnha fic, and had to private it because people were going to their other UNRELATED fics and badgering them to update it. people still go into their comments insisting they unprivate it, oblivious to the fact that every time they ask it adds another year to reavv's internal timer for when they will.

a combination of my own experiences and reavv's have completely put me off of writing bnha i'll be fr. even if i was still in the fandom, the majority of my fics will always be about fucking dragon age and skyrim. i do not want random bnha fans coming into my dragon age fics and, AFTER NOT READING THE FIC, saying that since im active i should clearly update my bnha fics. that's a nightmare scenario for me.

in conclusion

i am so glad that people like magneto, i'm glad that i wrote magneto. the initial jump in readers i got from magneto gave me the confidence to write other fics, and the alternating pov format is a staple of most of my writing now. some of the comments i got for that magneto when i was a teenager were the only things that kept my ass going.

but magneto is never being updated. i don't even think it's gonna be rewritten. i really am sorry about that, but it is what it is. thank you for reading it, thank you for loving it, thank you for feeling ambivalent about it. good talk.

btw to the original asker, again. this is NOT a rant directed at you, you just inspired some Thoughts in me and i had to let them loose.

[beevean]

I mentioned this yesterday, and I'm going to elaborate more because the brainrot is strong:

the scene where Lanolin throws Whisper to the ground is identical in spirit and reception to the scene where Lenore brutally beats Hector.

First, the setup. Whisper, frustrated and panicked by Duo slipping away while Lanolin is defending him, grabs her by the arm, likely with the intention of pulling her out of the way. While she technically shouldn't have done that, it's obvious what lead her to act that way, especially since she's not the kind of person who puts her hands on other people. It was an emergency. It was due to haywire emotions.

Hector has been tricked, forced to betray his master, savagely beaten, dragged through the snow barefoot for one month, and now thrown in a cell, naked and starved, knowing that he's at the mercy of vampires who want to enslave him at best. So, when one of those vampires comes to talk to him, brings him good food and reassures him that she means no harm, he snaps and threatens her: "I know I can't kill you, but you call the guard and tell him to unlock this fucking door or I will rip your fucking throat out and break your fucking neck, and we'll just see how fucking well you live". We can argue all we want about this treatment, but it's easy to understand that Hector was not thinking clearly for all the reasons.

In short: both assaulted first. But the circumstances are understandable.

The consequences. Lanolin, who is Whisper's comrade as member of the Diamond Cutters 2.0, who had got to know Whisper more since they first met, especially about her mental issues, slams her to the ground with deliberate force and a furious sneer on her face. Whisper is not particularly strong: she's a sniper. If she is strong enough to do this, she's strong enough to break free of Whisper's grasp. Nothing so far in her limited characterization hints at her being triggered by being touched.

Lenore not only frees herself from Hector's grasp, but she proceeds to violently beat him (again), with a fury that goes well past self defense. She slashes him, slams him around, kicks him into a corner, and steps on him, even laughing maniacally in a mocking way. She then concludes as such:

"Well. Wasn't that fun! I'm a diplomat, Hector. I make peace. Carmilla thinks you're a useful idiot at best. Striga wants to kill you when she thinks about you at all, and Morana wants to torture you. Not to get information out of you… just because she finds it calming. I make peace. And because of that, people think I'm soft. People think I'm weak. You won't make that mistake again, will you?"

And then she throws a berry at the bloodied, unconscious Hector, calling him a "good boy" :)

In short, not only Lenore makes it clear that she's the only person who doesn't want Hector dead or to suffer (after all of that), but that whole sequence was a display of strength. It was a warning. Don't cross me, be a good boy, or I might beat you again, and it will be your fault. It's the start of Lenore's manipulation and abuse.

The reception: I won't be long here. The victim of the beatings get blamed.

Lanolin gets defended because y'all are just sexist, I guess (to which I simply say, lol and lmao you weren't around in the 2000s and it shows). Lenore gets defended because fans really love to broadcast how much they masturbate to the hot mommy. The result is the same: a person gets brutally attacked, and they get no sympathy.

And I blame the framing. Lanolin here is one of the good guys. She's the shiny new OC that has just become the bestie of the beloved Tangle and Whisper. She has been promoted to main character and given a whole new badass coat of paint. We are meant to see her as a poor victim of Duo's manipulations, and, well, of course she would not believe Whisper! Of course she would defend herself from her mean... grabbing! She has issues, she has PTSD, she's impulsive, she's not fully rational when it comes to Mimic! So really, Whisper should have known better.

As for Hector and Lenore, I went about it here, even comparing the scene with the similar one of Hector begging Dracula to stop killing humans - a similarly hopeless scenario, but where the victim is framed as being desperate and brave, not an idiot who deserved what he got.

So yeah. I can't help but ask myself this: what is about Peak Fiction and bringing the abuse apology in people? It makes me genuinely uncomfortable.

[maple-the-awesome]

We'll Meet Again...I Know When || Chapter 20

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x GN Reader

Words: 2,819

Overview: Given your old-fashioned personality and obsession with all things 1940s to 1980s, it’s no wonder that most people refer to you as an ‘old soul’ who would’ve rather lived back then than in the modern era. Little do they know, you already did, but with your previous life as Hollie Stark cut short, you’ve been left with some…unfinished business, to say the least. Top of your list? Finally getting to marry your thought-to-be-lost fiancé.

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CHAPTER TWENTY: THE GRAND REVEAL

The Siberia base is quiet enough to hear a mouse scurrying along the floor a full corridor away which only adds to your anxieties walking through it. The doors had been left wide open upon your arrival, confirming that someone had indeed made their way inside before then. Assuming it's Zemo, there's no telling how long he's actually been here. For all you know, it could've been plenty of time for him to wake the other winter soldiers from their deep slumbers. Seeing how much trouble one had given Steve, Natasha, Sam, and you all those years ago, you're not too confident in how well you can fend several off even with Steve and Bucky's own strength.

Bucky leads the way, gun drawn as he scans every nook and cranny of the facility through his scope. Behind follows you then Steve, sneaking practically side-by-side with his shield held between you both. No one gets any further than a foot away from each other, eyes darting to the slightest of movements where you think you saw something only to confirm it was nothing at all, only results of your wary imaginations.

As you all tiptoe up a case of stairs, a loud thud echoes through the silence, founding like thunder against your ears. It results in all three of you spinning around, Bucky's gun pointing over your head and your hand clenched around the baton strapped to your belt while Steve peeks out from behind his shield now at the front of the group. Each of you kneel low against the wall when a door can be heard groaning open somewhere up ahead.

You had begun to feel dizzy holding onto your breath for so long until the doors across the hall were fully forced open, revealing Tony's familiar iron suit instead of a rogue super soldier. You can barely see it provided the darkness, but the shine of alloy against his glowing eyes and his arc reactor give him away. While his presence here is surprising (and a little alarming), at least he's a more welcomed sight than Zemo's army.

Although Bucky remains tense, you stand straight as Steve lowers his shield slightly before descending the stairs. Tony takes off his helmet as he wanders closer and casually glances around the hallway, "You seem a little defensive."

He isn't wrong. Steve keeps his shield in front of himself, taking cautious steps towards his former colleague whose intentions he doesn't quite know yet, "It's been a long day."

A smarter you might remain on guard as well, remembering that mere hours ago Tony had his heart set on arresting your dear Bucky for a crime he hadn't committed. The only reason you relax now is because of that deeper trust you still hold towards your nephew. You believe in his good heart and his determination to do the right thing, he just needs to find out what that exactly is. With that said, you want to believe he's here due to a change in a mind. The fact that he's removed his helmet, a critical form of defense against a deadly attack, can be taken as a sign of truce, can't it?

Tony's eyes fall to you, this being the first time he's been able to acknowledge you individually, "(Y/n). Back from your honeymoon, I see. How was Costa Rica this time of year?"

"...No one's going to let me live that down for a while, are they?"

"At ease soldier, I'm not here for you," the attention was temporary, changing to Bucky, the only one who hasn't let a single muscle loosen. Even with prompting, he keeps his gun aimed.

"Then why are you here?" Steve's the one to ask.

Tony shrugs, meeting Steve in the middle with a nonchalant air about himself regardless of the circumstances, although that's always been a talent with you Starks, "Because your story might not be that crazy after all. Maybe - possibly...Ross doesn't know I'm here and I'd prefer to keep it that way or otherwise I'd have to arrest myself which seems like a hassle, don't you think?"

"Probably a lot of paperwork," Tony scoffs at Steve's reply, a slight smirk pulling at his beard. It's followed by Steve finally lowering his shield all the way with a short nod, "It's good to see you, Tony."

"You too, Cap," he then looks to Bucky with a roll of his eyes, "Manchurian Candidate, you're killing me. Can't you see there's a truce here? (Y/n), get your dog to drop the hostility, would ya?"

Bucky's hesitant, but does as asked when Steve and you motion for him to lower his gun. At least he seems relieved to do so, resting his back against the wall with a nod. He doesn't have any history with Tony like you or Steve, however anyone should be thankful to avoid more fighting when their body's already sore from the last several altercations.

Climbing the stairs, you pat his arm, signaling him to keep moving through the hall while the others trail you both. You must say, you feel a bit better having another person on your side especially given the many uses of the Iron Man suit. Of course, you're mostly relieved to just have Tony around in general. If he's finally willing to trust Bucky's innocence, maybe there's still hope in your relationship not being officially ruined. You become more certain of that when you duck under some pipes and he decides to break the silence:

"I don't see a ring. Left it at home or not a ring kind of -"

"- Shh, do you want your final breath to be used for joking around?"

"Well, I gotta give you some crap," at least he's whispering, "I mean, the miraculous and secretive (Y/n) (L/n) suddenly disappears into thin air for two years only to reappear alongside an oily fossil who you helped escape from the museum. Not sure what the motivation there would be unless you intended him to be - your what? Sugar daddy? If that were the case, then I guess it was a waste of time, eh?"

You stop in place, nearly causing Steve to run into you. Instead of complaining, he quickly slips past with a roll of his eyes which gives you room to point a finger at Tony who was walking at the back of the line. You keep your voice as low as possible, a mere breath between your lips, "Must I remind you that your aunt was engaged to him. Shouldn't you be a little more respectful than calling your almost uncle 'an oily fossil'?"

Tony blinks from under his helmet not that you see that part, but you do see the way he over dramatically grimaces before sneaking past you, "Ick! Auntie Hollie must be shaking her head at how much he's let himself go. He looks nothing like her desk picture - that or cameras were magic back in the forties."

You don't know if he's really just being dramatic or brutally honest. Either way, you huff in annoyance with a comeback ready to fire, however you stop yourself with a frown once catching Bucky's eyes.

Given how packed in the hallway is, you should've known he could hear the conversation going on behind him. He wasn't paying that much attention to any of it until he heard mention of Hollie at which point he stopped to look back at Tony and you. By the time Tony brushes past to continue forward, Bucky's head is bowed with eyes focused on the floor sadly as he fidgets in place.

Your frown remains until you approach him, hands innocently behind your back as you put on your best smile, "Don't take him to heart, James. He gets cranky when it's past his bedtime. I heard he used to love hearing stories about you as a kid."

Bucky scoffs, walking at your side after the others, "And where'd you hear that?"

"He told me while batshit drunk one night," after taking a few more steps in silence, you reach up to flick a strand of Bucky's hair, smirking when he swats you away, "And I'm sure your Hollie would love the long hair."

Yeah, you'll admit he needs a good bath, but that's excusable considering he's been running for his life for the last few days. Other than that, you'd say he looks mighty fine with long hair and a beard. Auntie Hollie definitely likes what she sees.

The mood between your foursome soon turns serious again when Tony announces that he's found a heat signature just up ahead. With the return of heaving beating in your heart, you creep into a far more open space compared to the narrow hallway tunnels. Open, yet just as quiet and empty, at least at first glance anyways. You can hear the clicking of boots belonging to everyone in the group and a faint hiss of steam or vapor, but you don't notice the source until everyone fully makes their way through the entrance.

In your presence, golden lights blink on above several glass cases - six to be exact. One is open with the chair inside empty, but the same can't be said about the others. As you cautiously step closer to one of these cases, you can make out the faint shape of a person sitting. The glass is dirty meaning it's difficult to see too many details of this person or if they're even breathing, however you conclude the answer to the second question when raising your attention to a small bullet hole puncturing the glass. After noticing that, you squint to notice what appears to be blood dripping from the person's forehead. They're dead.

"If it's any comfort, they died in their sleep," the voice is dull, breaking the silence and slightly startling you.

You suck in a sharp breath when you bump into someone while stepping backwards, fearing the worst for a split second yet calming down when realizing it's only Bucky. Despite what the voice had said, he isn't quite convinced these soldiers aren't a threat, thus he motions for you to stay close as you both continue surveying the room.

"Did you really think I wanted more of you? Although I suppose I should be grateful to them. They're the reason you came here, after all, which made my job easier."

Checking each case, you're able to confirm every soldier has a bullet wound through their head, not a single one stirring from their endless slumber. While you've come all this way fearing them and the damage they could do, you must say you still feel bad to see their fate. Bucky was once held here. He wasn't much different from these people. If things had played out differently, he could've been one of these corpses, forever forgotten this far underground. These soldiers are strangers to you, but surely someone out there loved them.

At the far end of the room, another faint light turns on, revealing Zemo's face behind the glass of a metal chamber. Tony immediately raises his blasters, however Steve is faster to throw his shield. It's a useless attack, leaving not a single scratch against the glass and from what you could tell, Zemo didn't even flinch.

"Please, Captain. This chamber was built by the Soviets to withstand the blast of UR-100 rockets. Your shield won't make a dent."

"But I bet I could," Tony challenges with confidence as the four of you circle towards Zemo; Tony and Steve from the right, Bucky and you from the left.

"I'm sure you could, Mr. Stark, but then you'd never get answers."

"You killed innocent people in Vienna just to bring us here?" Steve asks, getting right down to business. While the rest of you maintain distance, he has no issue standing directly in front of Zemo and looking the killer dead in the eyes, an intimation tactic that fails to make much difference in the man's attitude. If anything, Zemo seems pleased to have Steve's undivided attention.

"I thought about nothing else for over a year. I studied you - followed you...but it's only now that you're standing here that I realize, there's a bit of green hidden in the blue of your eyes," Zemo then chuckles bitterly, "How nice to finally find a flaw."

Steve pauses, "...You're Sokovian. Is that what this is about?"

You weren't there to see what happened in Sokovia, but Natasha told you enough about it not to mention it was all over the news for weeks. The situation was a mess, to say the least. You know your friends must've done everything they could've to reduce the damage, however in a war, it's never just the soldiers who die. Novi Grad was destroyed by Ultron and if civilians weren't killed there, then they were crushed by the falling debris elsewhere...If Zemo's Sokovian, his anger makes sense, although it's still misguided.

"Sokovia was a failed state long before you blew it to hell, so no, that's not what this is about. I'm here because of apromise I made."

"You lost someone," it isn't a question, rather a statement shown to be correct by the way Zemo shakes his head slowly, leaking with anger.

"I lost everyone...and so will you," next to Steve, a computer suddenly clicks on. He reluctantly takes his attention away from Zemo to look at it, "An empire toppled by its enemies can rise again, but one that caves from within? That's dead...forever."

You want to say something - confront Zemo about his logic and maybe reconsider breaking his nose if he makes a good argument for himself, however you're not exactly threatening on the other side of a metal wall, so you settle for biting your tongue and waiting for Steve's direction.

Losing loved ones in Sokovia is a motive, but what's his plan exactly? You'll need a better answer than some cryptic, philosophical speech. You also need to be careful with Bucky. Last time the two faced, Zemo was able to trigger the Winter Soldier. You don't want to see Bucky go through that again, thus it's best to keep Zemo calm and talking instead of provoking him.

Of course, keeping your mouth shut doesn't equal being completely friendly. You still keep a careful glare Zemo's way, standing in front of Bucky as if you could actually hide him from the enemy's view, however your attention is split when you hear Tony's voice:

"...What is this?!"

You finally take your eyes off of Zemo to glance at Tony. He's standing beside Steve, the two of them looking over the computer which you can't see from your position. You hesitate in place, curiosity wanting to know what they're being shown yet you insist on protecting Bucky. Making up your mind, you decide they'll just have to recap you later.

While you can't watch the video yourself, at least you can hear the audio. It was silent until there was the sound of a loud crash and crushing metal soon followed by the roaring of a motorcycle. A car wreck, maybe? Why would Zemo show them a car wreck? What's that have to do with the Avengers or Sokovia?

"Help my wife...Please help..."

You raise an eyebrow. The audio isn't very clear, but the voice sounds familiar - you're certain you've heard it before - yet it's different enough to stall your mind in its quest to make a connection. This bothers you. How the hell can you remember your past life and not a voice? Does it belong to someone from your past, perhaps? That was so long ago and voices change...Who could it be?

You think long and hard, eyes darting to Steve and Tony for a clue. Steve's watching Tony whose mouth is slightly parted. There's a conflicted look in his eyes as they remain glued to the tape and that's what makes your brain click with the answer in which you search: it's Howard's voice...Howard died in a car wreck seventeen years after your death...

"...Sergeant Barnes...?"

Your blood runs cold, your legs seeming as if they want to move on their own, bringing you around to Tony's side to finally look at the computer screen yourself. Steve almost reaches a hand out to stop you, but he doesn't fully commit to the action and his hand weakly falls back to his side. He wouldn't have been able to stop you in time anyways.

"Howard?"

Instantly, you regret your decision to have looked. You can't turn away fast enough, only barely muffling the awful sound you almost gag on by pressing your lips tightly together. Fruitlessly, you try to distract yourself by digging your nails into the palm of your hand, yet it does nothing. You can still hear the crushing sounds and gasps of air, the image already burned into your mind of your brother's face being bashed in by none other than Bucky.

With a shaky inhale, you manage to slowly blink open your eyes and glance towards him. He's putting all his willpower into avoiding your gaze, his jaw clenched tight and his teeth sawing together.

"Howard!"

NEXT CHAPTER ➡️

⬅️PREVIOUS CHAPTER

[aliensmoothie]

I WPULD. LOVW TO KNOW SO MUCHABOUT BALONEY . i think the fact that he's in the bg3 universe is amusing to me . i hope hes been getting up to shenanigans . i love that he outdrank some guy

HE HAS IN FACT BEEN UP TO TONS OF SHENANIGANS . him and ast*rion are on slightly less thin ice than usual which maybe doesnt bode well for baloney's moral compass atm but he is pleased to be getting more info abt the man at any rate . he gave shadowheart a flower and it reminded me of the flower scene from tftb and i cried a little . i dont think baloney has romantic feelings toward shadowheart . but it was cute nonetheless HER LITTLE ' HA JUST KIDDING ' AFTER SAYING IT WAS POISONOUS WAS SO CUTE . i was pretty neutral on beloved shart at first but now i belove her alot . he has still not stopped travelling with wyll they are besties forever to me . baloney is like wyll's pet decrepit old man who has mostly good intentions and is only sometimes overly violent .ALSO FUN FACT HE HAS OUTDRANK PEOPLE BEFORE HE DID IT IN A DND CAMPAIGN I PUT HIM IN . he ALMOST outdrank the whole party . but the ( i think ) warlock just barely beat him .

also . coughs . let me go dig up the summary i wrote about his backstory . grins completely insane .

ok . smiles . SO . Bloney is from a town called bone-dry ( which also has it's own whole lore google doc but thats another story ) which in short is a small town surrounded by it's own graveyard in the middle of a salt desert . he is the middle child of . like 13 ? i dont have the number written down anywhere but i think that is right . anyways he's somewhere in the middle . he has always been just a very strange child . standoffish and always smiling at inappropriate times and not very good at talking with people , and spends most of his time reading whatever reading material passes through the town through trade , and then cataloguing all of it . HE ALSO catalogues any stories he can get out of the travelers who pass through ., and anything the people in town tell him . that said . he is standoffish and people in town are just kind of made Uncomfortable by him . so this effort does not ever bear much fruit for him . can youtell i am projecting my autism experiences onto him BAD . one day when he is a fairly young adult , his eldest brother dies under somewhat mysterious circumstances . on that same day , baloney finds himself lost out in the desert , and almost dies too . all he remembers is wandering , trying to find his way back home for hours and hours , and as the sun beats down at him he collapses and goes unconcious . he wakes up to a raven pecking at his head , and when he wakes up it starts to fly away , but stops and lands a few feet away and looks back at him . and when he follows it , it leads him back to town . from then on , he does not remember how he ended up wandering through the desert , and he does not remember that his eldest brother is dead . they never find his body , and with nothing to bury they just erect a gravestone in their vast graveyard with nothing underneath it . this whole experience combined with baloney's newfound memory issues give him a . warped view of death . where he never fully believes someone is dead , just missing , sick , or is generally in some kind of denial about it . ( BG3 BALONEY I THINK THIS GOES ANOTHER WAY WHERE HE BECOMES SORT OF OBSESSED WITH DEATH . though i dont know much about the durge stuff yet SO we'll see . we are talking about canon baloney for the most part here anyways though . if the durge stuff doesnt spell completely otherwise there should be some overlap still smile ) ALSO since that day , a small number of ravens have been appearing in town , which tend to folow baloney . or maybe the other way around . at any rate , baloney find that the ravens are most interested when he tells them tales of the dead ( or in his mind the sick or the missing ), which starts when he talks to them about his eldest brother . over the years he spends nearly all his time combing through the town's graveyard , and telling whatever stories he knows at the dead . he gets *really good* at piecing together stories of these people's lives from what limited information he can get from the rest of town . and without him knowing , the raven following him and listening to his stories were a weak manifestation of the raven queen , who was over time building him up to be her cleric . after many years he notices the ravens have started flying away from the town and not returning . at this point he is familiar enough with the ravens that their message is clear : he needs to leave town and seek out more knowledge of the dead . his one wish being to figure out how to heal these " sick " people , to talk to them and find their stories from the source . all of that building up to him being a death domain cleric LARGELY FOCUSED on necromancy . smile . also i have been playing with the idea that he is the one who killed his oldest brother . my only roadblock being that im not sure Why he would have done it . alas . it is a neat concept !

[archivalofsins]

In seriousness-

Addendum: This isn't about the person in the last reblog. Even though I understand why it came off that way in hindsight. I don't vague about people. In this case, I failed to properly articulate my point and take into consideration the timing of my words, which wound up hurting someone's feelings. Being vagued about can lead to great emotional distress. This is something I have no excuse for failing to recognize. Regardless of my personal feelings at the time or intent, it doesn't change the impact my actions may have had.

The point of this was to complain about something that's been continuously occurring and explain why I've been so short in reblogs lately. Not place blame on any singular individual.

Because at the end of the day, it is a personal issue that has developed over the course of my involvement with the series and fandom. That I'm trying to navigate better. So, if I'm short with anyone outside of the things I state in that post directly to them nothing else I say after is about them, but my perception of events which I know can be wrong.

I'm sorry for my carelessness here. Taking accountability is important. This was my error for not being as specific as I should have been.

This shit is tiring at this point. It's like every day someone wants to be like,

"Let me have a debate with you."

This is why I think your point is incorrect, and I totally can't make my own post and just say that far away from you. No, I have to do the equivalent of egging your house and then asking what's wrong politiely. For something that isn't even actually a debate or based on anything factual but fully rooted in my own personal feelings. Along with what I'd find narratively interesting.

Okay, cool why did I have to be involved here at any point? Why? Well, because your post made me think this, and I thought you needed to know how harmful putting this forth was and how inaccurate I believe it to be. Especially the way you presented it. Okay, I know now and? And what? Don't you want to say why you think I'm wrong?

Further support you're point with more evidence.

No, I don't, actually. I'm super tired and I'd really like to just open this app one day and not have to debate against other people's personal opinions. Because that's not fun to me. Talking about facts is fun , and most of the people who do this don't have any. Because they are not interested in them. There's a difference between people who really want to know and engage with various other opinions and someone who just wants to talk somebody else's down.

It's an incredibly easy thing to spot as well. I actually do care about how people feel on other prisoners and why. I actually do want to see people defend their worse qualities and stick by them regardless of what they did. I actually would like to talk about the social issues Milgram addresses and the environmental factors that lead to the prisoners committing their crimes.

Discuss the economic stresses, societal expectations, and discrimination they faved that cause them to get to the point they're at now. The minute visual evidence throughout all the prisoners' music videos. That stuff is fun.

Debating people on their personal feelings and what they consider a sin comparable to murder is not fun. It's depressing. Because what a good amount of this fandom considers a sin I simply fucking consider people living their everyday lives. Like lying, abortion, or being a clingy romantic partner.

So, to set the record straight as I have said before-

I do not consider anything short of killing someone with one's bare hands with malicious intent murder. I don't consider someone else deciding to take their own life because of something someone else did murder, I don't consider abortion murder.

I don't consider someone going,

"Aww shit- Wouldn't it be cool if I dropped this coin off this thousands of feet in the air building you know just to see it fall.'

Then that coin somehow managing to slice the throat of someone walking down below murder. Just like I do not consider something that was clearly an accident or directly out of anyone's control murder such as a gun misfiring murder. There is criminal negligence, sure, but when the word murderer is used, I have a clear understanding of what that word on an individual level means.

I'm not going to debate people based on philosophical constructs that they keep making up and changing to suit their individual needs and keep coming to me with. Ultimately, that makes these sins less interesting to me and hamper my engagement. Making Milgram less enjoyable as a whole.

Especially when it feels like some are going completely out of their way to misinterpret my statements in new wholly unique, more interesting ways, in order to one up the last time it happened as the days continue. To each their own, though. I don't go vaguing about people looking for other people's theories or just starting debates for no reason. I don't even go in the tag. Because chances are some fuck is going to be vaguing about me at the top of it because that's happened several times before.

To the point that I can either say as little as possible or risk being a bitch for no reason. Simply going, I don't know what to say, actually. I'm just going to elaborate further on my point since you didn't fully understand it seems and leave.

Honestly, at this point, the alternative is to literally go each day I stray closer and closer into the belief that media literacy is a myth. Along with getting extremely close to pulling a Hinako Mukuhara in real life as I sit looking at my balcony like man wouldn't that be nice.

Should have did that several years ago when I had the chance when they took the old balcony fence down to replace it with a more stable one and the guy putting it in said jokingly why it was completely gone and he was leaving,

"Ha, ha now, don't you go jumping off now."

Then I chuckled like ha, ha, good one and went to my room. Because I'd been sitting there thinking about it the entire time watching him take the shit down like huh maybe he'll leave for a second while it's completely gone. Then he made the joke, and I thought man ya know what, I'd be such a shit person if I did that after he made that joke it wouldn't even just ruin his day that would ruin his life. That'd be rude as hell, so I went to my room and stared at a ceiling instead.

I do not want to have emotion based debates. Because I am sick of hurting people's feelings. By going well actually - I just want to talk about the thing I like the way I like to talk about it. Because I simply like to talk about it that way. It is not fun feeling like the one raining on everyone's parade all the time and getting worried sick about,

"Oh, what will I say wrong this time. What are they going to vague about me on anon to the confession blog about today? Should we even talk at all? I don't really think I'm doing this right. It doesn't feel like I'm doing this right."

Whelp, fuck me I guess I can't do it right when I want to do it right and I can't even do it wrong when I want to do it wrong.

Fuck it just keep rolling. I don't even have to be rolling anywhere anymore it can just be this forever until it's over. It is what it is. There are times in life when you have to be a responsible adult and realize things aren't about you they aren't about facts or feelings. They aren't about anything. Sometimes, it truly is about nothing.

And that's fine, that's totally okay. It is what it is. It'll stay what it will be. Just keep moving, and don't stop ever. Because they won't, so why should you. Just chill. And thank god that Deep Cover was fucking delayed so a break is on the horizon after next month.

[fearsmagazine]

DOWN BELOW - Review

DISTRIBUTOR: Gravitas Ventures

SYNOPSIS: On the 20th anniversary of a horrific Christmas Eve massacre at St. Agnes Church, a malevolent preacher from the past reappears to haunt the residents of the same town. Among them is Salem, a young man whose once-joyful life is unraveling as he's falsely accused of a heinous crime. Only a disillusioned call-girl named Alexis Knapp, plagued by her own nightmares, believes in Salem's innocence. Together and individually, they must confront their inner demons and a tangible one known as Mr. Monday.

REVIEW: In Filmmaker Spyder Dobrofsky's "DOWN BELOW," the protagonist, Salem, embarks on a peculiar and intricate journey to reclaim his life, which has been shrouded in an enigmatic reality for nearly two decades. His quest to unravel the impact of the enigmatic Mr. Monday on his life unfolds as a perplexing tale, often feeling unnecessarily convoluted.

The film's 99-minute duration felt pointless, given its anticlimactic conclusion. The characters appeared to wander aimlessly without a clear sense of purpose. The confusing plot twists and turns seemed intentionally disorienting, perhaps aiming to establish a surreal universe similar to David Lynch's films, but falling short of that mark. To be candid, I found the movie to be much ado about nothing, leading to frequent boredom. The simplistic revelation at the end left me feeling aggravated, having wasted my time.

The film's peculiar narrative gives rise to some overtly puzzling performances. The talented cast portrays characters that seem lifted from various stories and dropped into this oblique tale. Doug Jones appears without prosthetic makeup, offering a refreshing change. Eric Roberts delivers a compelling performance, though his character's purpose remains unclear. Bai Ling tones down her recent film performances, focusing on her acting chops. David Steen, a Tarantino veteran, creates the villain and catalyst for Salem's troubles, Mr. Monday. While Steen's performance is solid, the character lacks depth and remains superficial, depriving the viewer of any tangible understanding or insight into the villain.

The film's cinematography and framing are a blend of functional and uninspired aesthetics. The overuse of smoke diffusion in lighting feels arbitrary, although the filmmaker's intent is understandable. Ambrose Soehn's score often overwhelms the dialogue, featuring clichéd movements and moments that feel like music for music’s sake.

In DOWN BELOW, the filmmaker's ambition to add complexity to an essentially simple story seems forced and unnecessary. While the film's production design elements hint at a horror genre classification, it fails to fully embrace this potential. The result is a plodding, slow-paced movie featuring recognizable actors in bizarre roles. This film resembles the type of independent horror movie that would have been submitted to festivals in the late 1990s or early 2000s.

CAST: Eric Roberts, Doug Jones, Alexis Knapp, Bai Ling, Hutch Dano, Diane Robin, Greg Kriek, Erin Matthews, David Steen, Christopher Livingston, Brittany Carel, Luke Mullen, Anna Greene, William Ford, David Steen, and Spyder Dobrofsky. CREW: Director/Screenplay/Cinematography - Spyder Dobrofsky; Producers - Dash Dobrofsky; Score - Ambrose Soehn; Editor - Joshua Ling Hei Wong; Costume Designer - Izzy Fran; Visual Effects Services - High Stake Entertainment OFFICIAL: N.A. FACEBOOK: N.A. TWITTER: N.A. TRAILER: https://youtu.be/FQZmyS7IUa8?si=X_yLc-bydC-kbPaY RELEASE DATE: On digital & VOD Oct. 1st, 2024.

**Until we can all head back into the theaters our “COVID Reel Value” will be similar to how you rate a film on digital platforms - 👍 (Like), 👌 (It’s just okay), or 👎 (Dislike)

Reviewed by Joseph B Mauceri

[writer-monster]

11 reasons why cap 4 should reintroduce Bucky Barnes as the love interest, an essay

to start this off, i am not writing this essay from a shipping place nor do i believe that this would have any influence at all over the upcoming movie. i expect nothing. this is simply something that i would personally like to see. (of course no hate to anybody who thinks differently)

here are 11 reasons why i think making Bucky into Sam Wilson's love interest in Cap 4 would be a good move for Disney.

-

1. on the Chinese film market - and why it's an irrelevant argument against the inclusion of homosexual themes in Cap 4

the Chinese film market is something that has been blamed for a lack of diversity in Hollywood films a lot lately. many people claim that this market with a lot of buying power has been responsible for the lack of gay and black representation in particular within Hollywood films.

and we have certainly seen Hollywood treating it as such, going so far as to cut gay scenes from movies for their Chinese releases, and vastly minimising John Boyega's (a black actor's) presence in the Chinese poster of Star Wars The Force Awakens.

[image ID: on the left is an image of the American poster for Star Wars The Force Awakens, featuring John Boyega prominently on the right-hand side. And on the right is the Chinese poster for the same movie, in which John Boyega is barely visible.]

so we know at the very least that Disney believes this through their own actions and efforts to self-censor for the different markets.

but Captain America 4 is a black-led movie, don't you forget. and Disney can't minimise Sam Wilson/Anthony Mackie in the movie or the poster because it's his movie and his poster. and no amount of creativity in the editing room can change that (thank God!).

so if by their own argument the film is already going to be either banned, panned or slammed in China... then what do they have to fear from making it a gay movie too?

-

2. oh, the queerbaiting

queerbaiting is an unusual cultural idea. and sometimes i find myself thinking that the term is far too easily used, but then all of a sudden i will stumble upon a movie or show that is so quintessentially cruel and overt in it's... well... queerbaiting that i will start to wonder what the hell kind of a bizarre relationship all these straight people seem to have with their friends. take Troy and Abed from Community or John and Sherlock from Sherlock as the perfect examples of this. (in which my reaction to the show's creators saying the show wasn't gay was to ask so then why did you make it so gay?!)

i felt that Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes in tfatws were getting quite close to this level of queerbaiting.

there was the field scene, the couple's counselling scene, the boat scene, the couple's counselling scene, Bucky going with Sam to face Karli when she told Sam to come alone, the couple's counselling scene, ALL the staring scenes, Sam checking out Bucky's ass here as they said goodbye, the "i would move in with him but" hidden scene, "Uncle Bucky" showing up at the cookout scene, the romantic walking off together into the sunset together ending scene, and the couple's counselling scene. did i forget anything? but i mean seriously, the couple's counselling scene!!! that thing they did with their legs and their crotches while staring deep into each other's eyes, would any straight guy willingly do that? do straight guys crotch-snuggle now?

[image ID: an image of Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes during the therapy scene with the quote, "Isn't anybody going to drag me into impromptu couple's therapy and slot my legs firmly between theirs before staring deeply into my eyes?"]

(yeah i stole this image from a buzzfeed article on the fan reactions to the couple's therapy scene. but given that they stole 80% of the content of that article from fandom tumblr, i think it's pretty even-steven.)

there's also the fact that people started talking about bisexual Bucky Barnes a lot after the tiger pictures line, and the lead writer Malcom Spellman responded to the talk of Bucky's bisexuality with "just keep watching". well we watched, Malcolm. but it's beginning to feel like you were just jerking us around.

-

3. the writing

seriously though, what else is Bucky Barnes doing right now in the MCU? his only remaining connection to anything going on right now is through Sam. there is literally nothing else established that's left for him to do that doesn't involve Sam. he moved to Louisiana to be closer to Sam (canonically), he hangs out with Sam's family (canonically), and Steve is presumably gone and is definitely not coming back for more adventures.

he has no villains or loose ends left. he has no other superheroes that he appears to be in contact with. he has no girlfriend or potential love interest, or even other friends or family. he is living in a tent that he has secretly set up in Sam's backyard and is mysteriously appearing from the bushes when it's time for dinner like a stray cat.

in my opinion there is no other meaningful and pre-established progression for Bucky's character that wouldn't just feel cheap.

plus, i don't think the general audience would be all that surprised if they kissed. i think a LOT of people picked up on all that tension. i think a lot of straight people picked up on all that tension too.

-

4. the chemistry between the actors & the chemistry between the characters

the original pitch for tfatws was essentially just this, it was the chemistry between Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie and their respective MCU characters of Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson.

now obviously Anthony and Sebastian are simply friends, and i wouldn't mean to imply anything more. but they are also not their characters.

Sam and Bucky's scenes together before tfatws were both limited and short, and yet audiences still fell in love with the dynamic between the two characters.

in interviews, these two actors are constantly slipping into character and flirting with each other and frankly it's adorable. plus it's really entertaining. i'd love to see that dynamic, unfiltered, in a movie.

because believe it or not the flirting is actually even more open in their interviews than it was in tfatws. and i'm leaving some links as proof.

this here is known as the "married" compilation

and here's a "lucky dip" selection of interviews - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,

and here's Anthony trying to get Seb to take his jacket off.

i'm just saying, why not let their chemistry shine? these two are so talented and so entertaining, especially when you put them in a room together. and can you imagine how absolutely hilarious and brilliant it would be to watch them navigate being a couple?

(and for those who bring up the "friends would be uncomfortable pretending to be dating" argument, i'm not here asking for a sex scene or anything. i don't think anyone would expect them to show any more intimacy (physical or emotional) while playing a couple than what they've already shown together in say... tfatws or in their own interviews. not that i actually expect anything regardless.)

-

5. if they were a man and a woman they would've gotten together in tfatws

i have no more to add here. just that... yeah, they would've.

-

6. and i'm not talking about the comics here, i'm talking about the MCU.

i understand fully that none of what i'm saying here falls in line with these characters from the comics. but the mcu itself doesn't fall much in line with the comics either, and these two characters especially are very different from their comics counterparts.

i'm not asking for these two to get together in the comics. tbh i don't think that it would work.

but the mcu Sam and Bucky are different and closer than their comics counterparts. they've got different histories, different backstories, and a very different dynamic. please rest assured that i am only talking about them in the mcu.

-

7. Bucky Barnes is believably bisexual. and Sam Wilson has never been proven to be straight in the mcu, nor has he had a love interest.

(now please continue to keep in mind that these points only stand for the mcu versions of Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson, and not at all for their comics counterparts.)

Sam Wilson has never had a love interest, which is crazy because have you seen that man! he has had two blink and you'll miss it moments of verbal expression of attraction to women, both in TWS. and that's the extent of it, through his entire history in the mcu.

Bucky Barnes has had a number of surface-level female love interests, but none of them even came close to the level of connection and chemistry that Bucky shares with Sam.

and i'm sorry SarahBucky fans, but i just don't think there's very much to their relationship either. i love Sarah, i really do. but it's Sam who shares all the meaningful moments and history and chemistry with Bucky. and i don't see what making her into a love interest would do for Sarah's character either, what would that add to her story?

[Picture ID: Bucky at the cookout with Sam, Sarah, Cass and AJ. Bucky and Sam are looking at each other and smiling.]

and also there is the whole tiger pictures thing... again. which does strongly suggest that Bucky is bisexual whether this was intentional on behalf of the writers or not.

-

8. it's representation... AND it feels natural

marvel hasn't had a lot of queer representation that's been noticeably present in the MCU at the time of writing this.

there have been a lot of failures so far, from the bisexual erasure of Valkyrie in Thor Ragnarok to the wlw erasure in Black Panther.

there was queerbaiting almost identical to the bisexual Bucky baiting for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2. when asked if he had considered featuring a gay hero in gotg2, director James Gunn stated that "We might have already done that. I say, watch the movie." after the movie's release audiences were understandably confused about the lack of queer representation. To which the director followed up his comments with, "But we don't really know who's gay and who's not. It could be any of them."

there is also Loki, considered by most fans after the airing of his six episode series on Disney+ to be both a poor attempt at both genderfluid representation and bisexual representation. with both attempts being summed up fairly well by the term "blink-and-you'll-miss-it". (also it's just terribly written and Loki doesn't wear any interesting clothes! fanficcers are a Goddamn blessing in this hard time!)

and let us not forget that Andrew Garfield was apparently FIRED for pushing for a bisexual spiderman. a bisexual spiderman within an interracial mlm relationship no less.

so for all these failures, marvel, why not allow us queer fans this? two brilliant and heroic men in a loving interracial relationship. two heroes that we can look up to.

now, one of the biggest detractions from the argument for representation is the idea of "forced diversity". and some poorly written characters certainly do end up feeling forced into the narrative. take Iceman in the comics for example, with Jean Grey just straight up suddenly telling him he's gay. like, marvel, sweetie, that's not how this works! and i don't know a lot of queer people who thought much of that "representation".

but the crux of the "forced diversity" argument is almost always that it feels unnatural within the story, right? and i don't think that anyone could say that about MCU Sam and Bucky ending up together, given these characters' existing chemistry and their history. they've both played characters in gay relationships before so we know that it's not outside of either actor's wheelhouse. and y'all know that Anthony and Seb can act, people. if it's in the script i believe that they'll make it seem like the most natural thing on earth.

-

9. it'd be a nice change

there's been an ongoing meme lately about "Disney's first gay character", the joke being that they continually announce gay characters without really ever including gay characters in their films.

this is to the point where Disney has formed a reputation amongst queer audiences of being homophobic.

if Sam and Bucky were to become a couple, then Disney could have its first actual gay character within a gay relationship. AND have him be in the lead of his own movie, no less.

it's also worth keeping in mind that there's likely an overlap between the people who were outraged by a Sam Wilson Captain America, and the people who'd be outraged by a gay Captain America. and if they were already not seeing the film, then i don't think much is gonna change that.

queer audiences would definitely love it, and the media attention would be guaranteed to be huge. i mean, simply look at the amount of media attention mere rumours of a character's queerness gets you and multiply that by a canon confirmation of said rumours.

but i'm pretty sure that Disney already knows this.

-

10. and yet, in truth, it's not about the representation

in truth i've never felt that i had any trouble relating to characters of any sexual orientation, race, gender, sex, body type, etc. (although that is not to throw any shade at all on people who do wish to see themselves represented) but for me, i think it's more about the story than the packaging.

and yet, a love story is still just a story. straight or queer, monoethnic or interracial. when two characters have chemistry and history and have sacrificed for each other time and time again, and they also can't keep their hands or their eyes off each other, then i'm pretty sure that that's a love story.

straight or queer, monoethnic or interracial, it shouldn't be about these simple labels. it should be about how well written the relationship is. it should be about chemistry, and history, and sacrifice.

because i'm fucking sick of all the hollow, forced romances in media no matter the genders of the participants. i'm sick of lazily written, shallow relationships where any two people sharing the same space for any extended period of time will simply fall in love. it's boring, it's repetitive, and as a writer myself it drives me up the wall!

romance stories suck! and everyone knows that romance stories suck. between twilight, and most of the entire YA genre, and love triangles (so boring), and romance used as poorly-written throwaway subplots in Hollywood movies, the world is in agreement that the romance in western media is simply dreadful. and yet we still want love stories. it's an entire genre that sits at the heart of the human experience (<3), and yet one which so few of today's best known writers seem truly able to capture.

i don't think that i'm the only one who feels this way, either. i suspect it's actually a large part of why fandom is so romance-centred in the first place, that we're all just starving for a good love story.

(btw i think fandom has a reputation for being something that as a whole that it is not. it has this reputation for straight up demanding things and harassing people until they get their way. while unfortunately there are a few people who do this, they're fucking annoying and i swear that they're far from the majority.

in my experience fandom is mostly about writing a five thousand word story at three am while drunk off your ass because it might make someone whom you've never met smile, editing it in the cold light of day, and then posting it. expecting nothing. sometimes getting nothing. and sometimes getting someone send you kudos or a comment so heartbreakingly wonderful that it makes you smile in return.)

-

11. so once again, it is all about the writing.

i want to see Sam and Bucky get together in the mcu, not because they would be a gay couple but because i genuinely believe that their story has potential to be an amazing love story.

and i know the mcu isn't about the romance. it's why in my personal opinion we haven't gotten a lot of good canon romances besides Peter Quill and Gamora. and i don't think that the mcu should be all about the romance either. i fucking love the action and the fighting scenes. i love the comedy. Captain America: The Winter Soldier had no romance and it was a fucking treasure, it was an amazing spy-action-thriller and it made my little gay heart dance. Thor Ragnarok had no romance, and it was an utterly brilliant comedic spectacle action film. not every movie needs romance.

but mcu Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes were doing couple's therapy and fixing a boat and walking off into the sunset together in tfatws. they were inseparable on the battlefield. they've got a dynamic. it's beautiful, it's romantic, and it's gold.

a budding relationship between them in the next movie would be a good way to explore both characters more without the narrative feeling too stilted and separate. at the end of tfatws, both Sam and Bucky fans found that their respective fave felt somewhat underutilised and that their characters were underexplored.

now, that problem would be even more difficult to remedy in a movie, because the plotline of a movie needs to be really tight to work (giggity). and we know that the central conflict of the movie is gonna be action-based (which is good), but we still need each character's personal journey and growth to tie into the main conflict. (which is another issue that some fans found with tfatws, that these characters didn't really feel connected to the action-based plot on a more personal level.)

if Sam and Bucky are already in a relationship, however, this whole dynamic changes. first, their relationship has already been set up for nicely since TWS and through tfatws and they would officially be the best-fleshed-out couple in the mcu. but most importantly, a relationship gives them a perfect vehicle to explore both of their pasts comparatively and connect them personally to the action-based plot.

do you want to establish that Sam is a little too trusting and naïve? then establish this through his relationship with Bucky, and through showing his placing his trust in Bucky. (rather than through having him sympathise with a villain who threatened to murder his sister and his nephews).

perhaps you want to show Bucky recovering from his trauma? show us how comfortable he is with Sam. they get along, they're enjoying each other's presence, we see more of Sam's life and of his family, and then let Bucky tell Sam something that's raw and dark and honest about his life as The Winter Soldier. something about a memory, one that he only just recalled. he's opening up. and maybe what he tells Sam is even something that sets up the future action-based conflict, to ground that in something real.

you want to explore that Sam has trauma too? do this through Bucky. he tells Bucky a story about his time in the military. in the form of a flashback, he shares his own story of loss to evoke before the audience the shared theme of feeling at fault even when you're simply a helpless bystander to an act of pure destruction.

then, action sequence! and it's directly connected to Bucky's time as the Winter Soldier. explore the grief of someone whose life the Winter Soldier tore apart manifesting into a villain perpetuating the cycle of pain. establish your villain.

Later, Sam is dragged into battle against this villain for protecting Bucky. But Bucky doesn't want Sam to protect him. He feels guilt for what he can't control and he doesn't want Sam getting hurt because of him. Bucky reminds Sam that he has a family, one who needs him and who loves him. He tells him to go home.

Sam reminds Bucky that he's a part of that family. And that sure Sam's a hero and his job is to protect anyone and everyone, but that he's doing it because he wants to. It's not simply to prove that he can, or to prove that he's not a bystander (this connects to Sam's trauma here), but that he's doing it to help people.

and this gets Bucky thinking about who he is and what he's doing here. is he a hero who stands by Sam's side? or is he an ordinary man who stands aside? or perhaps, does he stand alone? what does he stand for? Maybe Sam knows. But does Bucky?

Sam and Bucky fight off the villain again, and for the first time Bucky meets this adversary face to face. And Bucky recognises this villain, and has a flashback to the genuine pain that he inflicted upon them in the form of the Winter Soldier. Bucky freezes mid-fight, he almost dies, and Sam has to save him.

Sam chews Bucky out for almost getting killed because he was afraid for him. but Bucky takes this the wrong way and goes off to fight the villain alone, or perhaps to die alone, he's not quite sure.

He puts up a half-hearted fight. He apologises for what the Winter Soldier has done, and he waits for the killing blow, when Sam swoops down and he saves him. He asks Sam why he saved him and Sam calls him a moron. And then, Sam asks him what sacrificing himself would solve. He tells him that you can't choose your past but you can choose your future (connecting to his own experience of loss and guilt and grief). And that no matter what Bucky Barnes still has a future, whether that's as the Winter Soldier or the White Wolf or just some dork with a day job. And that he has a future as a part of Sam's family too.

Sam fights the villain, and it's toe to toe. He delivers a few good blows, but receives a fair few himself. And then the villain tears off his wings, first one and then the other, in a manner reminiscent of what the Winter Soldier did to him in TWS. Through Bucky's eyes there's a flashback to highlight the parallels. Sam gets back on his feet and he fights his best fight, but is now losing.

And then the heavily injured Bucky steps up and fights by Sam's side, and only together do they take down the villain.

"So... I inspired you, huh?" Sam teases with a smile, utterly exhausted. "With my heroism and-"

"You inspired me." Bucky said, equally exhausted. "Let's leave it at that."

Together, Sam and Bucky go back to the safety and warmth of their family. Sam fixes his wings. Sam goes back to being Captain America. And Bucky... he's around, but it's unclear what he's doing.

That is, until the very end. When Sam is in a fight, and suddenly Bucky shows up and helps him out.

"What are you doing here?" Sam asks.

"I've made up my mind." Bucky says. "I'm the Winter Soldier. But now I'll save lives, Sam. Now, like you, I'll be a hero."

Sam smirks. "So does this make you my sidekick, then?"

Bucky smiles. "C'mon, at least make me a partner." He says.

"How about co-workers." Sam says (in flashback, he remembers back to the death of his last on-the-job partner).

"How about friends." Bucky says, with a wry look.

"Bucky... I don't want to see you put your dumbass self in danger." Sam says.

"Oh, and it's ok for you to go running off into danger on your own all the time?" Bucky asks.

"Yes." Sam says stubbornly. "Absolutely it is."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not a dumbass?!"

"Sam, if you think I'm not gonna be watching your back for the rest of time... then you're the biggest dumbass I know. And I don't care if you need me or not, I will be there for you."

"Because Sam, you're more than Captain America. You're more than a good soldier. You're a good man. And I think sometimes, the world forgets what the difference is."

-

...or something like that.

(i only spent like 15 minutes on that. you know if i were actually writing this movie i would come up with something much better. and if anyone from marvel is seeing this, yes i can come work for you. i will make the time, let's do this thing right!)

-

finale

at the end of the day, whether or not the mcu chooses to make Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes a couple, it's their decision. and they don't owe me anything.

i'm just some random person on the internet. who thinks that Captain America 4 should #givecaptainamericaaboyfriend

[storiesforallfandoms]

proposition ~ corpse husband

word count: 1880

request?: no

description: in which her friend invites her to play video games with them and she decides to playfully proposition the stranger with the deep voice

pairing: corpse x female!

warnings: swearing

masterlist

You had been bored out of your skull until you got a message from Sean asking you to play Among Us with some of his friends. You had met some of his closest friends, like Felix and Mark, of course, but he made sure to warn you that there would be some new people in this group. While that made you a little anxious, you knew that playing a video game would help you to warm up to the new people.

Sean sent you a link to the Discord call and you joined almost immediately. You weren’t sure if anyone else was in the call, so you didn’t speak for a moment while you set up the game. It wasn’t until an unnaturally low voice spoke that you realized you weren’t alone.

“Hello?”

You jumped at the voice, shocked that just that one word made your heart race a million miles a minute.

“H-Hello?” you responded.

“Who’s this?” the voice asked.

“Who’s this?” You immediately cringed at the lame response.

The voice chuckled, another sound that made your heart race. “I asked you first.”

“I’m (Y/N),” you finally responded. “I’m friends with Sean.”

“Oh yeah, he��s mentioned you a few times. I’m Corpse, I’m friends with Dave and Felix.”

“Corpse?” you question. “Is that your real name?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

You couldn’t help but smile at this. You were shocked at how fast you were warming up to Corpse, but there was just something about him that was just so warm and welcoming.

The two of you talked for some time until Sean popped into the chat. “Geez, (Y/N), you fucking nerd. You’re so early.”

“I had no other plans tonight!” you argued.

Corpse’s low chuckle alerted Sean that he was in the chat as well. “Ah, (Y/N) I see you’ve met deep daddy.”

Your face burned with blush, although you weren’t sure why. “Wait, deep daddy? Please tell me you guys don’t actually call in that.”

“Jason does,” came the familiar voice of Felix as he joined the chat. “Can’t blame him, Corpse’s voice even makes me question my marriage with Marzia.”

The more people that joined, the more jokes that were made about Corpse’s voice and how upset they were that Corpse was playing because he was such a good imposter. You sat in silence, chuckling every now and then but never really speaking. Not like anyone was giving you the chance with how much they were yelling over one another.

You started missing talking to Corpse one on one, but you knew the game had to happen eventually. You just hoped that it would go better than you were expecting.

The first few games started with you as a crewmate. You were killed first in the first game by Sean, who immediately self reported and got voted out because of it. The second game, you made it three rounds before catching Toast kill someone and got him out. The third game, you were in the other room when Corpse killed someone and he blamed you, leading to you getting voted off.

By the time the fourth round came around, you were teamed up with Corpse as the imposter.

“Easy dub,” you commented to yourself. “He’s too good. He’s gotten imposter like three times in a row and no one has noticed.”

You followed Corpse for a while, pretending to do tasks with him. You walked into a room that had only Felix and Rae when your kill button was ready to go. At the same time, you and Corpse killed them both and raced out of the room.  You were about to kill Sean when Toast found Felix and Rae’s bodies.

“I don’t want to sound sus by pointing fingers,” he began, “but Corpse and (Y/N), you haven’t left one another’s sides all game. What the fuck?”

“I’m watching her back,” Corpse responded before you could say anything. “(Y/N) is so small and innocent, if she died on my watch I would never forgive myself.”

You couldn’t help but smile to yourself at this.

“You blamed her for your killing last game!” Leslie argued.

“That was last game! I’m not imposter now!” Corpse responded.

“If Corpse was imposter I fully believe he would’ve killed me by now,” you added. “He has no reason to keep me alive.”

“Unless he likes you,” Jason singsonged, causing the group to all talk at once about you and Corpse.

“Get back to the game!” you called over them, even though the thought of Corpse potentially liking you made you feel butterflies in your stomach.

No one was ejected (Skipped).

You tried not to think about what everyone had been saying, but it was hard not to. You didn’t know what Corpse looked like, he made you aware that no one knew except for a select few YouTube friends, but you found yourself drawn to him. Sure, his voice was hot, but in the short time you two had to talk together you found that his personality was equally as attractive. 

The distraction caused you to forget what you were doing and almost kill right in front of Toast. You held your breath, hoping you hadn’t accidentally clicked on the mouse and absolutely decapitated Sean right in front of someone. When nothing happened, you quickly ran out of the room and as far away from them as possible.

Your phone chimed. You took your eyes off the screen for a moment to see that it was a private message on Discord from none other than Corpse himself.

“What was that about? 😂”

“I was distracted and almost killed Sean in front of Toast. Had to make a speedy exit.”

“What were you distracted by? 😉"

Lucky for you, another meeting was called before you could respond.

“Okay, for real (Y/N),” came Toast’s voice. “What the fuck is going on? You were just stood in admin with me and Sean, then suddenly you raced out, and now you’re just standing in the middle of the cafeteria not moving at all.”

“She’s distracted,” came Corpse’s voice before you could respond.

You felt your face heating up again. “I was distracted, by my dog. He’s currently at my feet with his toy. He keeps looking at me with his big eyes, it’s hard to concentrate.”

“Awe, send me a picture of the little guy! I miss him a lot!” Sean said.

No one was ejected (Skipped).

You took a deep breath and concentrated on the game. You decided to stick with Corpse again, only breaking off to make it look like you were fixing the sabotages that you were setting. You and Corpse managed to kill three other bodies, leaving you with one more to kill before winning. And you knew exactly who you wanted it to be.

You sent Corpse a quick message before going to look for Sean.

“Do not kill anyone, leave this to me”

Seconds later you got a response. “Aye aye captain.”

You entered electrical as Sean was doing a task. You walked up behind him and hit the kill button without hesitation. You watched your character cut his body in half before the victory screen came up for you and Corpse.

“I fucking knew it!” Toast exclaimed. “You guys were too sus!”

“What can I say, we make a good team, right (Y/N)?”

You smiled to yourself as you responded, “Yeah, we do.”

Everyone started talking the one time again, joking around with each other. You started feeling like you were fading into the background again, which normally you’d be okay with, but you were starting to feel more comfortable with the group. You wanted to feel more comfortable with Sean’s friends, especially with Corpse.

Suddenly, an idea popped into your head. You smirked to yourself as you declared into your mic, “Guys! Guys, I have something I wanna say! Everyone, shush!”

The talking soon died down as everyone listened to you intently. Your heart was hammering in your chest, but you knew there was no backing out of it now.

“I have a proposition for Corpse,” you said, which was met by cheers and exclamations of excitement. When everyone silent down again, you took a deep breath and forced the words out before you chickened out. “Corpse, are you single?”

You heard his low chuckle through the voices talking excitedly. “I am single, yes.”

“Good to know.”

There was a silence as everyone waited to see if you’d follow up on your comment. When you didn’t, Sean exclaimed, “What was the proposition?!”

“Wouldn’t you guys like to know,” you said with a knowing smirk to yourself.

The game went on for another few hours before you finally had to call it a night. You said goodbye to everyone and exited the game. While shutting down your computer and getting ready for bed, your phone chimed. Another message from Discord.

“It was really nice meeting you tonight. We make a pretty good imposter team, you should play with us more often.”

You couldn’t help but smile at Corpse’s message. You felt like a giddy teenage girl as you got into bed, clutching your phone tightly in your hands.

“It was really fun, I’m glad Sean invited me. I’ll definitely come play more in the future if you guys want me!”

You saw the three dots pop up, showing that Corpse was typing. They went away a moment, then popped up again, then away again. This happened a few more times before another message came in.

“About that proposition...”

“What about it? 😉”

“Was just wondering how serious you were about it, or if there was an actual proposition at all.”

You looked at the message for a long time. Of course, at the time you didn’t think it was serious. It was just a fun joke at the expense of your friends. But now that he was asking...what did you say?

You thought about your message for a long time before typing, “I was as serious as you want me to be.”

There was an extended pause on Corpse’s end before he responded, “Well, I know we just met, but I’m pretty serious about it. I’d like to get to know you more. You seem like a really nice girl.”

“You seem like a nice guy.”

“Can I Skype you tomorrow?”

The question shocked you considering what he had told you earlier. “You’re willing to show me your face?”

“Only a select few know what I look like, I trust you to be one of those few.”

Your heart fluttered yet again as you typed your response. “Well then, I’d love to Skype tomorrow. I’ll send you my name so you can add me.”

You laid back in bed after adding Corpse to Skype, feeling excited for the next day. You could hardly sleep now thinking about what you’d get to do in almost 12 hours time. It felt like too far away, you wanted to call him right then and there.

Just as you were starting to drift to sleep, your phone chimed again. You checked it one last time before bed to see a final message from Corpse.

“Goodnight, see you tomorrow”

“Goodnight Corpse, see you tomorrow”

[ransiquack]

Quite intense character analysis to help with future Luci/Elfo fics :] 👍

•Elfo!

In Elfwood he was constantly around people who made him feel unlovable and unwanted. Even his father showed little to no care about his general wellbeing (stealing his college fund and all). The only person who showed him any affection or genuine interest was Kissy. Of course the only thing she really wanted from the relationship was sex and a quick psychoanalysis but Elfo couldn't help but catch some feelings. He held on to this way of thinking for a very long time. Starving for even a glimpse of appreciation or care to the point that as soon as someone was nice to him he'd fall right back into the puppy love role, prepared to give up everything to feel wanted. Even with his slight resilience in his relationship with Trixy he'd always go back to clinging onto even minuscule displays of attention. When faced with being practically abandoned while leaving home he clings to the show of friendly intrigue that is Bean. He creates an idealized version of her in his mind and clings to the thought that she may love him. When his already fragile sense of self worth is fractured by Bean choosing Dagmar over him he practically shuts down and refuses to take any displays of affection seriously, leading to him undermining his friend's hell bust. He's stuck feeling unlovable and unwanted yet again.

He battles with keeping his practically wholly made up crush alive to preserve whatevers left of his self worth while also subconsciously deciding to let go of love for a bit and stick to his horny guns. This would explain his shallow lusting over Dagmar. In seasons 3 and 4 especially, you can see some very promising pieces of development in how he deals with his 'crush' on Bean. There's a bit of a parallel in seasons 1 and 3 I believe where Elfo goes on a tangent explaining how great Bean is while comforting her. In the season 1 version what he decides to comment on comes off as a creepy stalker getting lost in his own lust filled ramblings. In the more recent version it comes across as a supportive friend giving his bestie a pick me up. Another thing about this version is that he was drunk or at least tipsy while it happened. This shows me that without his filter his feelings for Bean at their very core are nothing more than platonic at this point in time. Obviously it takes him a while to fully let go but I believe he lost feelings around late season 2/early season 3 and fully let go in the last episode of season 4. Finally coming to terms with the fact that he has to search for love elsewhere.

In short all he's looking for is the love and attention he wasn't given for most of his life. Thankfully at least his family and friends situations are much better.

(He may also have adopted a bit of a praise kin-

In terms of how he deals with his feelings currently, I believe he's decided to start keeping his feelings to himself as much as elvenly possible. So instead of letting himself feel he shoves it down to keep himself safe. (He'll figure out his new(ish) genuine feelings soon enough and have a little breakdown but he'll get there eventually)

•Luci!

Luci has spent around 300 years of his life in a place that treats him like nothing. All of his peers were either demeaning or condescending and never took him seriously. The only time he gained even a little respect it was almost immediately ripped away from him. Since day one he was taught that any emotions formed outside malicious intent were shows of weakness and to be looked down upon. That constant berating plus the aforementioned powerlessness has led him to feeling like any trek in the ways of emotional regulation or fulfillment weren't normal and completely useless. This also leads to my theory of why he was so comfortable in his relationship with Kissy which is that he entered the relationship out of purely petty reasons so he was confident in his unfeeling status (can also explain him being so willing to say he loves her). This thought led to the idea that he was upset about the relationship ending because he'd have to think about why he'd entered it in the first place. To give some background on that reasoning just before that was the hell bust for Elfo. While Elfo was busy feeling dejected and unwanted he downplayed Luci and Bean's efforts by a hell of a lot. In the hell bust he had to make peace with how much he cared about Elfo and subsequently gave up everything he'd gained in hell, practically giving up almost everything he cared about for something he was told he couldn't care about. After Elfo being a lil bitch about the whole situation Luci goes into one of his little 'extra evil' moods before going back to normal. For a while he goes in and out of those moods right up until a little while before the whole Elfo getting kidnapped by Trøgs thing in season 4. Right after he finds out about him getting taken he starts being extra dickish about it. We've already seen Luci use his 'demonic nature' to save his friends before along with his impeccable quick thinking. Because of this I think he knew as soon as he told Bean about the situation she'd try to save Elfo and get caught and the only way to get out of going with her was for her to make that decision herself. How? By acting so insufferable she kicks him out. After that hes able to save them both just in time. I don't exactly know what happened with Luci before this whole thing but it feels like him coming to terms with some special little cravings of his. What I do know is that after this episode he starts acting a lot more like himself and actually much more affectionate. In the last episode it's at it's strongest with that little "but who loves Luci" line along with him being extra pliable with Elfo.

In my professional opinion Luci is currently letting himself crave the very thing he was told he could never want. With that I also believe he'll be doing a lot more of that 'attached at the hip' thing.

(Side note, I think the scene right after that last episode line where Bean says she loves him and gives him little kisses is absolutely adorable but ,for obvious reasons, not at all romantic. I also think that he can't quite figure out why he wants more from Elfo than what he gets from Bean but he'll figure it out soon and only freak out a lil.)

[procrastinatingsapphictrash]

F*cking up the friendship

Word count: 3501

Genre: Angst and fluff

Pairing: Wanda x Natasha x fem!reader

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol (let me know if I need to add any)

Summary: You sometimes forget Nat and Wanda are dating each other but when they go off on a date you feel sad and add alcohol to the mix, unable to fully control your words around them when they come back.

A/n: I’ve been in a huge wandanat x reader mood recently so you’re probably going to get spammed with a lot of these. Originally this was supposed to be a 1k words get together fluff fic that was suggested to me but then I added angst and other stuff so I decided to make the fluffy get together fic separately. Anyways I hope you all enjoy this, I spent hours yesterday writing so I could finish it in one day. 

You sigh loudly as you flip through Netflix, finding nothing interesting to watch. Usually on a Friday night you would be doing something with Wanda and Nat but today they had told you they had a special date planned so you haven’t seen them at all. It was a completely horrible idea to fall in love with your two best friends who happened to be dating each other but your heart betrayed your brain and now you were stuck in this situation, finding it impossible to get over the two most amazing women you had ever met. Spending nearly all your time with them did not help and everyday you feel your heart break a little when they kiss each other in greeting but only give you a smile. You know you should be thankful for their friendship, and you are, but it also pains you to know that there can never be more. 

You imagine what it would be like to share kisses and wake up wrapped in their arms. One time when you had fallen asleep on the couch after staying up late watching movies with them Natasha had carried you to bed and tucked you in and Wanda had said goodnight with a kiss on your forehead. You never talked about that night because you had pretended to be asleep but you replay it over and over in your mine, wishing that it wasn’t a one time thing. They are so strong, so kind, so smart and just so amazing in every possible way. It’s fitting that they are together but it also sucks to have to watch the perfect people have a perfect relationship while you pine silently, always trying to be a supportive friend. 

You try to think positive thoughts but you can’t help but wonder what they could be doing now which ruins your mood. Nothing on Netflix looks good to watch by yourself with nobody to make fun of cringy rom-coms with or to hide your face in during horror movies. It’s almost scary how much time you’ve spent with them recently and how reliant you’ve come to be on it. Come to think of it you can’t remember the last time they went on a proper date and you start to wonder if by watching movies with them you were actually intruding upon their alone time. You hope they would have been honest and told you if you were but they have always been nothing but nice to you so it’s possible they just didn’t want to hurt your feelings. 

Giving up on watching altogether you throw the remote aside carelessly, wincing when it bounces off the couch and hits the floor with a bang, and stand up. Making your way out of the living room and over to the room where the mini bar is you push all the thoughts from your mind, focusing only on the fact that you really need a drink right now. You don’t bother to turn the lights on when you enter the room, heading straight for the bottles and pouring some whiskey into a glass, much more than a recommended size. 

Sitting down on the couch you take a gulp. It burns and tastes disgusting, you’ve never been one for drinking but tonight you enjoy the feeling, not drinking for pleasure but drinking to hopefully forget. It takes about an hour before your thoughts get all muddled and you feel more relaxed. You slowly start to close your eyes and drift off to sleep when you are woken suddenly by a thump and a stream of curse words. You startle and your hand jerks spilling the rest of your drink all over your lap. 

Natasha and Wanda are standing a few feet in front of you. Natasha is looking at you with an expression you can’t recognize in your inebriated state and Wanda is clutching her foot, looking darkly at the leg of the coffee table. 

“Shit.” You mumble loudly, both at spilling your drink and at seeing them while drunk. This wasn’t supposed to happen, they were supposed to still be gone and now you’ve just embarrassed yourself completely in front of them. 

“Hey, Y/n,” Natasha is at your side in an instant, cupping your face in her hands, “let’s get you cleaned up okay?”

Wanda is there a second later, hovering. “And then maybe you could tell us what’s wrong.”

“Nothhhing’s wrong.” You slur, standing up. “Goodnight.”

“No no no, you’re not going anywhere by yourself right now.” Natasha tells you firmly, grabbing your arm. You don’t protest, partly because you know they are both stubborn and will always win and partly because you secretly want to spend as much time with them as possible. 

“Listen to Nat,” Wanda advises, “can you walk?”

“I can walk.” You say, crossing your arms and trying to look serious

Natasha raises an eyebrow, doing a horrible job at stifling her laughter for a spy. “Show me then.”

You take a few steps forward, looking triumphantly at Natasha before you stumble, arms flailing out and grabbing Wanda to prevent yourself from falling. Wanda helps pull you back up straight and kisses you on the forehead.

“I think the correct answer to the question is no.” She tells you amused. “Let me help you.” 

She doesn’t wait for a response and hooks an arm underneath your shoulders to help support your weight. You lean into her and match her steps, frowning when Natasha hurries away in front instead of walking with you.

“She’s just going ahead to grab something.” Wanda whispers, noticing your expression. You feel your entire body shiver from the sound of her whisper in your ear. Luckily she doesn’t mention it and just tightens her grip around you and continues until you’ve reached their shared room.

You stare at the door in confusion. “What are we doing here?”

“Did you really think we would leave you alone when you’re drunk and obviously upset about something?” She asks rhetorically. “We want to take care of you.”

You’re glad she’s holding you up otherwise you’re afraid you would have melted to the floor from her words alone. She pushes the door open and leads you inside. Natasha is waiting and hands you a pile of clothes. You recognize the bottoms as Wanda’s favourites and the top as Natasha’s shirt. 

“For me?” You ask, confused. She had handed them to you but maybe she actually wanted to give them to Wanda seeing as it’s their stuff.

“Yes for you silly,” she says smiling, “are you able to change by yourself in the bathroom?” You nod, feeling slightly more sober now.

“Okay just be careful and call if you need us.” Wanda tells you before stepping away from your side. You already miss her warmth but you pretend to be unaffected and head into the bathroom to change. 

It takes longer than usual, in part because you accidentally tried to put both legs in the same hole at first, but you managed to undress and put the pajamas on. They’re soft and smell like a mixture of them and you will deny it if asked but you hold the shirt up to your nose and breathe it in before realizing how weird that is. Walking back out of the room you shift nervously, unsure of what to do with both Natasha and Wanda staring at you intently.

“Come here sweetheart.” Natasha says and you immediately comply, heart pounding at the endearment, sitting down beside her on the bed in between her and Wanda. “Do you want to tell us why you got drunk now?” You shake your head furiously, only stopping when it starts to make you nauseous. 

“No, I don’t really-” You get cut off by your own yawn, suddenly very tired. 

Wanda giggles. “Let’s get you to bed now.”

You start to pout, upset that you have to leave and go back to your room but before you can move she uses her powers to gently float up the bed to the pillows, pulling you with her. Natasha joins you and cuddles you from behind so you’re pinned between them. Your eyes feel so tired but you try to fight sleep, wanting to stay in the moment forever. 

“Goodnight Y/n.” Natasha says and you stop resisting and start to relax. 

“Night Tasha I love you.” You tell her sleepily. “I love you too Wanda.”

“Sleep well Y/n.” Wanda replies, giving you a short kiss on the top of your forehead. You feel so warm and safe between them and it only takes another minute before you’re fast asleep.

---

You try to move but something strong and warm is holding you down. Your eyes fly open and the first thing you see is Wanda’s face, inches from your own. Natasha must be behind you because you can feel her wrapped around you and her small breaths blowing the back of your head. It’s nice but you can’t remember how you got here so you wrack your brains, ignoring your headache. You were sad so instead of watching a movie you started drinking, then they found you and then they took you back here and after that-SHIT. Shit shit shit shit shit you had told them you loved them. 

You aren’t naive enough to believe they think you meant it in a platonic way, you never tell your friends you love them and Natasha and Wanda are both really smart and can easily tell what you’re thinking. You just hope that they don’t tease you about it because you don’t think you could handle anything but being let down gently. 

“What are you thinking about?” Natasha asks from behind you. You hadn’t realized she was awake already but somehow she noticed you are, she’s scary with how much she knows sometimes. As much as you know this conversation will be awkward and painful you know there’s no point in delaying it and it’s best if you have control over it. 

“That I’m sorry.” You tell her. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” She says gently, sitting up, understanding what you’re referencing. 

“No I do, I made things weird and I didn’t want to do that.” You say, hating yourself for the lump that forms in your throat. You start to untangle yourself from Wanda, trying hard not to wake her. This conversation is difficult enough with one person, if Wanda wakes up you’ll most definitely start to cry and the last thing you want is for them to feel bad or to pity you. 

“Y/n-” She starts but you interrupt her, not wanting to hear it. 

“I hope we can still be friends.” You say making your way to the door before pausing. “Please tell Wanda I’m sorry and that I need some time to myself for the day but after that I will pretend nothing happened.”

“Y/n, please-” 

This time you cut her off by closing the door. You run to your room. You don’t think she’ll try to follow and catch up with you but you don’t want to take any chances and you certainly don’t want the others to see where you’re coming from and your shame to get deeper. You are stupid, so stupid, you shouldn’t have gotten drunk and you should have kept your stupid mouth shut. Their friendship means everything to you and although Natasha didn’t seem like she would stop being friends with you over it things will definitely be awkward for a long time and you’ve seen friendships crumble because of it. 

Luckily you make it to your room without anybody noticing and you take a few breaths to calm yourself, closing your eyes. It helps for a second but when you open them again you’re looking straight into your mirror and you can see yourself wearing their clothes and immediately feel the tears start to come. You jump onto your bed and bury yourself fully under the covers, trying to stop crying because you don’t deserve to, it was your fault, and crying only makes everything worse, including your headache. 

---

Natasha shakes Wanda awake only to hear her groan and shift, attempting to fall back asleep. 

Rolling her eyes she tries again. “Wanda. Wanda. Wanda wake up.” Wanda moves slightly and lets out incoherent mumbles before waking up more and sitting straight up.

“Where’s Y/n?” She asks alarmed, remembering you were here when she fell asleep.

“That’s why I’m waking you up; she left.” Natasha tells her and Wanda frowns.

“Why?”

“Because we messed up and now she thinks we don’t love her.” Natasha explains. “She thinks that she ruined our friendship by telling us she loved us last night since we didn’t say it back and she left before I had time to correct her.”

“Oh crap.” Wanda says, thinking about how things seemed for you. From your point of view you had drunkenly confessed your feelings to people in a relationship before falling asleep with them not saying it back. 

“Yeah,” Natasha agrees, “I know we weren’t planning on doing the thing until this evening but I think we should do it now, we can’t let her be upset for any longer.” 

“You’re better at talking so you should get her while I set it up.” Wanda says and Natasha nods in agreement.

“Be as quick as possible, we will hopefully be there in ten minutes.” Natasha tells her before giving her a quick peck. Wanda sighs dreamily, imagining what it’s going to be like when she is dating both you and Natasha (provided you say yes of course but Natasha is certain you will and she trusts Natasha). 

Leaving her room Natasha quickly makes her way to yours and knocks on the door. 

“Go away.” You say and she can’t stand how sad and self loathing you sound just from those two small words.

“No,” she replies, “I need to talk to you.”

“Please.” You beg, your voice cracking in desperation. You can’t see her right now, not like this. She doesn’t listen, hating to ignore you but knowing that if she talks to you she can hopefully make it all better.

“Oh Y/n.” She sighs upon opening the door and seeing your lump under the covers. “Sweetheart it’s going to be okay.”

“No it’s not, I fucked up our friendship Nat!” You cry out, still refusing to show your face.

“No baby you didn’t.” She tells you, the endearment accidentally slipping off her tongue in her attempts to comfort you. “Please just give me a minute to explain some things.”

“Okay.” You sniffle, both confused and curious. You hate that you’re even a tiny bit hopeful at her words and you attempt to squash those thoughts down to spare as much of your heart that hasn’t already been hurt. 

“I would love to see your pretty face when I talk to you.” She prompts, gently lifting the edge of the covers. You slowly peek out of them like a turtle, well aware and slightly embarrassed of the fact that you look like you’ve been crying (which you have but it’s still embarrassing).

“There we go, that’s much better.” She tells you smiling. Even though you’re upset you can’t help but crack a wobbly smile back at her, her happiness really is infectious. She stares at your shirt as you pull more of yourself out from under the covers and you flush when you realize that you had never bothered to change and are still wearing her shirt. 

“It looks nice on you.” She says softly, reaching out to touch the hem before clearing her throat and switching into business mode. “I think you got the wrong impression.”

“I know I never should have-” You start to apologize, scared of her shift in mood. 

“That’s exactly what I mean.” She interrupts. “You seem to think that you’ve ruined our friendship by telling out how you feel but I can assure you that’s not the case at all and we are actually both extremely happy about your feelings.”

“Why isn’t Wanda here then.” You ask skeptically. 

“Because she’s in the living room where I’m supposed to bring you.” Natasha replies. “Will you come?”

“I don’t know,” you say nervously, “are you sure that…” you trail off, unsure of what else to say. 

“Y/n,” Natasha says and suddenly you’re all too aware of how close she is to you, “it will be good I promise.” 

As soon as she finishes speaking she leans in and her lips are on yours. It’s better than any of the times you’ve dreamed and it’s the perfect mix between hard and passionate but also soft and sweet.

“Wow.” You breathe when she pulls away after a few seconds, unable to think of anything else. 

She laughs. “Wanda’s going to be jealous that I got to do that before her and as much as I’d love to kiss you again we shouldn’t keep her waiting for too long.”

You nod silently and take Wanda’s hand when she offers it as she stands up and starts to walk out of the room.

“Wait,” you say just before you leave, “maybe I should change first.”

She looks over your (well technically their) clothes. “You are not changing, I like you wearing our stuff.”

You’re surprised to hear the slight possessive growl in her voice but it makes you incredibly happy. The start to this day had to be one of the worst in your life but it’s quickly becoming the best. Feeling as though you’re floating you allow her to pull you through the halls into one of the living rooms, the one you usually use for watching movies.

Wanda is sitting on the couch looking at the door when you come in but what catches your eye is the sheer amount of stuff around her. There are heaps of all your favourite candies and chips all around her and there’s a cute stuffed bear.

“Do you like it?” She asks and instead of answering you let go of Natasha’s hand and throw yourself at her, wrapping your arms around her waist tightly.

“I think that means yes.” Natasha says, laughing at your enthusiastic reaction.

“I love it,” you tell them, “I love-” You stop yourself before you tell them you love them again because even after all this you’re still not sure if that’s what they want to hear. 

“We love you too Y/n.” Wanda says and you sigh in both happiness and relief at her words. “Nat do you want to give her the thing now?”

You pull away from Wanda to look over at Natasha, curious as to what the thing is. Natasha picks up a small red jewelry box from the table that you hadn’t noticed earlier in your excitement and hands it to you. They both watch as you open it, suddenly nervous that you won’t like it.

You open it up to see a necklace with two charms on it and two charms that are identical lying beside it. Upon closer inspection you gasp, recognizing the the letter charms n and w as the same ones Natasha and Wanda wore on their necklaces, reminding them of each other. The charms lying beside it are the first letter of your name, presumably for them to add to their necklace. You feel yourself tear up at how sweet and thoughtful this gesture is. 

Wanda breaks the silence first. “This is what we were doing yesterday and it took all day because they were custom made so we wanted it done by the same person so it would look the same. We thought it would be nice for us to give you this when we officially asked you out so you don’t feel like an outsider or anything because we really like you and want things to go well.”

“What she’s trying to say is will you go out with us.” Natasha says, halting Wanda’s rambling. 

Wanda smiles sheepishly. “What she said.”

You slowly look up, careful not to let any tears fall and launch yourself into their arms, pulling whatever part of them you are holding towards you. 

“I think you already know the answer by now but I would love to.” You say, still trying to get as close to them as possible. They wrap their arms around you tightly and moving together they lift you a few steps to the couch and plop you down, sitting and cuddling on either side of you.

“Today’s movie day and we’ll take you on a proper date tomorrow.” Natasha promises and you hum happily in reply. You don’t care at all about what type of dates you go on or even if you go on them at all because you’re dating the two most amazing women in the world and that’s a high you’re going to be riding for a long time, possibly forever.

---

Taglist: @cherryblossomskye @aaron-despair @thewidowsghost @nyx-aira @stephanieromanoff @stop-drop-and-drumroll @peggycarter-steverogers @casperlikej @redswing​ @mxxnmocha​ @king-star​ 

[quillquiver]

On SPN, Burying Your Gays, and Being Heard

I am shaking, I feel sick, I feel like I’m insane. And did I run a little wild with the theories? You bet. But you know what didn’t help? The botched clusterfuck that was this entire goddamn finale debacle. How was I supposed to believe anything they said in panels when M&G dialogue would leak saying the exact opposite? How was I supposed to grieve and move on when there was nothing from the cast and crew? Nobody said anything! And any info leaked just destabilized what we already knew or directly contradicted what we’d been told. In light of that, how was I supposed to trust anything anyone said? One rogue translator reciprocated the love confession and I was practically sold, because there were so many questions surrounding the English text that this was something good, something that logically fit, and something I wanted to hold onto. 

Because they hurt me. This is about so much more than one episode or a ship; for years queer fans have seen ourselves in these characters and been told that we were crazy. That we were reading too much into it. I’m not sure how people get upset and offended when a storyline that doesn’t exist... doesn’t exist! said Guy Bee (2013). And then, after all of that, they turned around and said magnanimously, you have your version, I have mine... and that’s okay. But it’s not okay. It’s not okay, because that doesn’t erase what came before - that doesn’t erase the baiting and the gaslighting, and that invalidates everything we felt in the time leading up to that episode. It gave them an open window for all the subtext that came after. It allowed them to brush us off.

And then we got Cas’s love confession. I watched that scene about 500 times. Added to the rest of the season - to the fandom avatar being presented as successful and intelligent, to arc being the death of the author - I felt seen. Really seen, by a show that made it its mission to erase me. I had been okay with Cas dying at first because I had been sure the romance arc would carry through. I had been convinced that after everything, there was no way they would give that to us and then take it away.

But they did, because this is Supernatural. To anyone saying this is not bury your gays, I implore you to read up on the Hays Code. This link is to an amazing queer history podcast and the episode that covers it. In short, the Hays Code was a legal document that came about in 20th Century Hollywood during the puritanical war on the American entertainment industry,  and it stipulated what was not allowed on screen. Not all of it was queer - there’s a whole section about kissing - but what the Code is most remembered for is that queerness was not allowed on screen. But queer people are resilient, and so they started testing the waters... and it turned out that you could in fact code queerness into a narrative, as long as it was subtextual, or as long as the queer character died/was punished, or both. The point is that the character is not allowed to live their truth openly. They are buried, either in the ground or punished in the narrative. The former is normally what we refer to these days, because the latter just doesn’t really happen anymore.

Until Supernatural. 

Castiel is immediately punished for speaking his truth - and please don’t tell me he leveraged that punishment and so he had agency. Literally the only thing that could make him happy was confessing his feelings, and so the Empty deal was directly related to this idea of queerness-as-punishment. That being said, Bobo wrote a beautiful scene. Cas’s confession was a love letter to queerness and coming out... but everything that came after buried him. Castiel may have ended the series alive but he was effectively written out of the last two episodes, and that means that he actually never really got to live his truth. He was silenced by the narrative - that is punishment. 

Dean is a whole other can of worms. Does one rogue translator confirm canon bi!Dean? Or do we have to read our own version of the text? The fact that we even have to ask these questions firmly places us in the realm of queerbaiting. Were the writers trying to get bi!Dean approved but were unable to? I have no idea, but queerbaiting requires proof that the writers encouraged a reading they had no intent of following through on, and we certainly don’t lack in evidence of that. Not from this writers room, but from those of previous eras. Did these writers try? They might have, but the funny thing about queerbaiting discourse is that there has never been a show to bait this long, and I’m making the call that even if you tried at the end, you baited me with half the ship and all the years that came before. 

Of course, the narrative leaves open the possibility of bi!Dean so if you do read the show that way, that means Dean also falls into the bury your gays category; if you read the show this way - which many of us do - the mere suggestion that Dean Winchester was bisexual was enough to punish him. And he was punished. We’ve all written extensively on this, but he was given a random death, on a case his father never finished. All that growth, all that time spent having him accept himself, love himself, that was all taken away. He died the way he always thought he would: as a tool, in service of his father, protecting his brother. He had always believed he’d been a body to throw on the sword and in the end that’s all he was. And when he gets to Heaven? He’s also silenced. He barely speaks in the episode except to monologue during his death, and that is 100% Sam-centric. He is scared. 

It was horrific to watch. I sobbed so hard my roommate was seriously concerned. 

I had been fully prepared for Supernatural to end disappointingly. I had figured everything would end with a huge heaven reunion because white, straight, cis-male S&F writers love the idea of death as a reward, but instead of being disappointed I felt like I had witnessed a slaughter. Every single one of the queer themes intrinsic to the show: found family, resilience, speaking your truth... were gone. And I know we’ve talked about this too, but it bears repeating, because in doing this, in writing the queerness out of its narrative, Supernatural effectively looked every one of us queer folx in the eye and said: you are not important. You don’t matter. All of that stuff that came before is all good and well, but what really matters at the end of all things is blood family. It’s two brothers in a car. Life sucks but at least we get to die and go to paradise - real paradise, that your angel buddy died for and then made for you and who we never hear from again.

I felt insane. I felt cheated. I felt humiliated. I felt devastated. I still feel all those things, but listen to me. You have been heard. Not by Misha Collins, who is a great guy, but doesn’t get it. Not by Jensen Ackles, who is a similarly great guy, but also just doesn’t understand. And not by anyone else who worked on this show. 

You know who heard you? Me. The people who follow me. The people who follow you. We saw each other, and heard each other, and we gave each other a leg up. We made memes. We wrote fic. We drew fanart. We made gifs. All for ourselves and all for each other. We broke Tumblr multiple times. We donated over $60,000 USD to multiple different causes. We got multiple hashtags trending at multiple different points, and today kept it up because we demanded answers and then we got them. There were at least 5 articles written about the show today. We made that happen. We made people listen. 

Supernatural didn’t deserve me, and it didn’t deserve you. It didn’t deserve Dean. It didn’t deserve Cas. It didn’t deserve Misha and Jensen. But this show ended with a bleak, awful message and we turned around and showed them that love is loud. So what about all of this is real?

We are.

[r3almellow]

The Last Night (Lucifer x F!MC)

My first commissioned story yaaaay! Honestly really nervous about posting this. Not only is this my first time writing for Lucifer, but I don’t want to disappoint the amazing anon who commissioned this! Hope you enjoy this read!

As always I apologize for any typos! I’ve read this thing over so many times, so I hope its all readable!

Summary: Its her last night in Devildom and the stubborn little human still had a few things she had left to accomplish. 

Series: Obey Me

Word Count: 2701

Warning: NSFW

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“Do you really want to make a pact with me? Truly?”

Lucifer had asked her this just moments ago already knowing the self-willed human wanted nothing more than to add him to her growing list of demons she conquered. He was ashamed to admit that he wanted to be on that list.

But, if he was going to do this, he was going to do this on his terms. Lucifer refused to be lumped up with his brothers and seen as just another demon she could control. If she was to take him on, there would be no question as to who owned who. She was going to give herself to him in exchange for the power he possessed. It was a fair trade off.

With the pact made and her time in Devildom coming to an end in just a few hours, that should have been the end of it. She returns to her room and he returns to slaving over paperwork until the next day. That’s what was supposed to happen and just like with everything else, she pulled something Lucifer didn’t expect.

When her lips brushed against his, she made it abundantly clear her intentions were more than just to make a pact with him.

And that’s what led them to his room, their mouths locked in a passionate kiss.

His kisses were patient yet eager for more while hers were sweet and timid but explorative. He could tell she was holding back for reasons that were lost to him.

“Where did all that spark go?” He whispered, peppering kisses down the base of her neck.

“I’ve…I’ve never…” She trailed off, too caught up with the sensation of his lips gently sucking on her skin.

Ah, so that’s what it was.

As usual she jumped headfirst into something not knowing that the repercussions of her actions would lead to this. It was foolish, but he did admire her for her efforts.

Lucifer couldn’t tell when last he had done something like this with another. It felt like months or maybe even years had passed by. Asmodeus often joked, whenever he thought Lucifer wasn’t within earshot, that Lucifer’s uptightness had everything to do with his lack of sexual release.

What his lecherous sibling failed to understand was that Lucifer too had urges. These urges he was very good at suppressing, but even he had moments of weakness. While he didn’t act on these feelings with another too often, there were nights he spent alone relying on his hands for the release he desperately needed. Those nights became frequent when a certain human entered his home. The number of times he had thought about her in such an indecent manner was honestly shameful.

Lucifer pulled back and hooked a gloved finger under her chin not giving her the chance to look away. He grazed her bottom lip with his thumb.

“You shouldn’t tempt fate like this if you’re not going to give it your all.”

This was his way of giving her an out. She had the chance to backdown, walk out of his room and they never speak of this again. Lucifer wouldn’t blame her if she did just that, but he knew all too well that she was too stubborn for her own good.

She looked at him hesitantly for a moment before taking his lingering thumb into her mouth. Taking a bit of the fabric from his glove between her teeth, she pulled back taking the glove with her with little to no resistance from Lucifer. With his bare hand revealed she dropped the glove from her mouth and looked back at him with eyes filled with a purity that did not match the current mood.

How could she look at him so innocently? There was something within Lucifer that made him want to take that innocence away. He wanted to twist it and turn into something only he knew how to control, but he couldn’t. She wasn’t ready for that.

“Tempting fate got me this far, so I really can’t complain.” She replied with a small smile that had a hint of devilry behind it.

He chuckled at her words. There wasn’t an ounce of fear in her retort as if the Avatar of Pride wasn’t seconds away from bending her to his will. She really was a peculiar human.

“You fail to understand what you’ve gotten yourself into.”

“That’s kind of my thing, is it not?” So, she was aware of her annoyingly intrusive behavior. Nonetheless, that was the permission he needed.

Removing his other glove and loosening his tie, Lucifer leaned in to capture her lips again. She moaned into the kiss as she instinctively enfolded her arms around his neck. He hoisted her up by her waist forcing her to wrap her legs around him as he carried her over to the bed.

He laid her onto the mattress the satin sheets dipping and wrinkling under her body, lips still on hers.

Lucifer pulled away to remove the clothes that confined his torso, revealing his toned body. She absentmindedly reached out to lightly trace the outline of his abs completely entranced by the up-close view of his body. While Lucifer was not on the same level of Beelzebub with his physique, he did pride himself on his appearance.

He grasped the hem of her blouse, breaking her from her trance. Pulling it over her head revealed an intricately laced black and red bra. It was an interesting choice in color that made Lucifer wonder if this too was a part of her plan.

It was a shame he had to rid her of the beautiful garment, but he had his sights on something far more enticing.

With the bra discarded and her breasts on full display, Lucifer was in awe at the sight before him. Her flushed breasts and fully erect nipples lying in wait to be caressed and teased.

It didn’t take long for the nervousness to reach her and she quickly covered herself. Lucifer suppressed the urge to chuckle. It was cute to think she was embarrassed when he found her so beautiful.

“Don’t hide yourself from me.” His voice was soft as he gently took her wrists, pulling her arms away from her chest. Lucifer glanced over her body once more then cupped one of her breasts giving it a firm squeeze.

“Something so perfect deserves to be seen.” He kissed her.

“To be touched.” Another kiss came.

“To be defiled by me…” He felt her shiver at that last part. Was there something within her that grew giddy at the thought of him having her in the most sinful of ways? What exactly was she imagining?

His lips moved from hers, down to where her neck and shoulder met, then came the lightly dusted kisses as he continued to make his way down.

He felt her chest rise and fall in a labored motion that matched her anticipating breath as he reached her breasts.

Without hesitating, Lucifer took a breast into his mouth, lightly sucking on the tender nipple, earning him a small gasp from her in response. He felt her hands run through his hair as he moved from one breast to the other, leaving bite marks in his wake. Every so often her caresses stop at the feel of his teeth teasingly graze her sensitive flesh.

His hand trailed down her body, fingers slipping past the waistband of her shorts and panties. Almost instantly, his fingers were coated with her juices. He had barely touched her and yet she was already this wet?

She pressed her legs together, trapping him between legs. Lucifer looked up from his place between her breasts in annoyance.

“What did I tell you about hiding?”

“I know, bu-”

Her words were cut short once she felt the pads of his finger brushing against her clit.

“Tell me you don’t want this, and I will go no further.” Again, he was giving her a chance to end this.

She said nothing, the expression on her face contemplative. A few seconds passed before she had made a choice. Leaning up she clutched the sides of her shorts and underwear attempting to pull them down. Lucifer helped tossing her clothes to the floor. Now, she was completely bare before him with her legs parted slightly.

Beautiful failed to describe the sight in front of Lucifer. He had the perfect view of the wetness between her legs which was nice, but he personally loved being able to see her body in a way that no one else had seen. While the room itself was dimly lit, Lucifer relished in the fact that every dip and curve of her body was on full display for him to marvel at.

She shifted awkwardly under his burning gaze.

“Stop staring so much…”

“How can one enjoy art without appreciating every visual detail?” She opened her mouth with a remark at the ready but stopped at the sudden intrusion of his finger that slipped between her folds.

Slowly and carefully his fingers danced along her most sensitive area. Her back arched, hips steadily moving against his hand. She was like a piano, reacting to the slightest touch and emitting music that only he had the pleasure of producing.

Just how far could he push his beautiful instrument?

He moved up pressing his lips to her ear.

“Tell me…” He whispered in a husky tone.

“Do you think of me when you touch yourself?” There was a chance that unlike Lucifer she never laid in bed with impure thoughts that left her body wanting to be touched in ways that go beyond simple brushes against skin, but Lucifer refused to believe that. Humans weren’t immune to desires. Those desires were why she was in his bed, after all.

“N-n…” Lucifer could hear the denial coming and his hand stilled inside of her. She whined trying to move her hips to fuck herself against his finger. A cute attempt, but he wasn’t going to give her what she wanted until he got his answer. He removed his hand completely from between her legs.

“Answer. If you lie, you’ll be punished.” It was in her best interest to respond to his inquiry. She knew all too well that there was no bluffing when it came to Lucifer giving punishments.

“Yes…” She breathed out.

Satisfied with her answer, Lucifer continued this time adding a second finger. He deemed it a reward for her honesty, but it was pure torture for her.

“When was the last time?” He asked, gently rubbing his thumb against her clit. She looked as if formulating a coherent sentence was next to impossible, but he was going to get an answer one way or another.

His movements slowed.

“I’m waiting.”

“T-this morning…” Fuck. Lucifer felt the painful reminder of need within his pants growing stronger.

Where was she? In bed? In the shower? Was it right before breakfast? The reason for the awkward glances she shot him at the breakfast table was starting to make sense.

While distracted Lucifer failed to notice that the cheeky little human’s deft hands were reaching for what laid just under pants. She cupped him feeling just how hard he was causing the unsuspecting demon to wince at the contact. He moved away partly sad at the sudden loss of contact, but determined to do things his way.

“Not like this.” Was all he said before sitting upright to remove his last bit of clothing. In no time at all, his cock sprang from its confines of his removed trousers. She looked at his erection in awe probably wondering where it had been hiding this whole time. Lucifer felt a sense of pride as she looked him over completely speechless.

The curious woman made a motion to reach for his throbbing member, wanting to feel the warmth of his shaft pulsating in her hands. Lucifer grabbed her hand, pinning it over her head.

“I didn’t say you could touch, but I suppose I could let it slide just this once. However, we’re doing this my way. Do you understand?” She could only nod not wanting to battle him. Lucifer smiled inwardly. She was a good little human when she wanted to be, but that wasn’t why Lucifer took interest in her.

Resting between her legs, he rubbed himself against her entrance, coating his member with her juices. He had to remember to take it easy with her. Not only was this her first time, but humans were fragile creatures. There was no telling how much her body could take if he went overboard.

“All I need you to do is breathe.” That was the only advice he could give her. In truth, Lucifer had never been with a virgin before, but he did know they required gentleness and care.

He moved forward, slowly sheathing himself inside of her.

Lucifer watched as her eyes closed, and eyebrows knitted together at the feel of his girth stretching her walls. He could tell she was in pain, but the way her face contorted showed a hint of gratification.

Lucifer, too, had to take a moment to get his bearings. Not even all the way in and she felt so tight around him, squeezing his shaft to the point where he felt like he was ready for release in that moment. Had it really been that long since he had felt the touch of another so intimately?

Lucifer had no time to question it further for the woman under him started moving her hips to feel the rest of him. She must have gotten used to his size or she wouldn’t have been so brazen.

He was going to have to teach her a lesson.

Lucifer grabbed her hips forcing her to stop. He pulled himself back, with just the head of his dick still buried within her.

“Have you not learned that such impatience will get you into trouble?”

He wasn’t going to wait for a response. He thrusted roughly into her, filling her pussy with his cock. So much for taking it easy….

The woman cried out her back arching, head falling back against the pillow and a pleasurable pain rippling through her body. He wanted to hear her make that sound again. He wanted to hear it over and over until her voice grew hoarse and her body was spent.

Lucifer couldn’t help but groan as she involuntarily squeezed him in response to his torturous efforts. He didn’t mind feeling the repercussions of his actions, though, especially if it meant that he could make her crumble beneath him.

He was more than prepared to go down with her in this heated battle between their bodies.

--------------------

“Do I really have to go?” She asked quietly as she laid against her lover’s chest.

Lucifer tried not to think about her departure that was fast approaching. He didn’t like remembering that in just a few short hours she would leave his side. Lucifer had forgotten what life was like before she entered his life and as much as he tried to deny it, the very thought of her no longer being in his presence did weigh on him.

“With the exchange program finished, it only makes sense for you to return home… No matter how unfortunate that is.” He was surprised by the disappointed that emitted from his voice.

She looked over at him with a knowing grin.

“Is that your way of saying you’ll miss me?” He could practically feel the smugness radiating off her as she playfully nudged him.

“Perhaps…” She snickered at his admission and nudged him again.

She was too comfortable with being in the company of demons or she wouldn’t be as mischievous as she was now. Maybe they were rubbing off on her and she needed a small reminder that tangling with him could very well be her downfall.

Lucifer rolled over, pinning her to the bed with an annoyed look etched onto his face. He pressed himself against her, his hardened cock lay present on her stomach.

“Since you have so much energy then we should put it to better use?”

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DONE!

Fun fact! The original fic was well over 3K words because I have no self control! Anways, I really hope you all enjoyed the read! 

Want to read more of my stuff? Check out my Writing Masterpost!

[perfectpaperbluebirds]

@sicktember​ Prompt # 8: Contagious

Title: Unexpected Developments 

Fandom: Pride and Prejudice

Prompt inspired by @chezsnez ​. The prompt: “What if in P&P when Jane gets sick at Netherfield, the other guests catch her cold and Lizzie ends up having to take care of Darcy. Kinda like enemies to lovers but with enemies to caretaker.” Thank you as always for the wonderful ideas, my friend!

Jane Bennett’s cold has spread to all the guests at Netherfield, hitting some worse than others. How will Lizzie respond when she finds proud, arrogant Mr. Darcy sneezing miserably and running a fever?

Elizabeth stepped out into the hall, closing the door on Jane's sickroom behind her. Jane was lying down to rest, so Lizzie was left to her own devices for the next hour or two. With no obligation to visit with the rest of the guests today, she had decided to wander a bit to stretch her legs and familiarize herself with more of Netherfield. As she walked, she let her mind wander as idly as her feet.

"We're certain to never be asked back here again," Lizzie sighed to herself after a bit. While Lizzie herself didn't much care, Jane and her mother would be devastated.

The cold Jane had caught on her ill-fated horseback ride to Netherfield had proved to be very contagious. Charles and Caroline Bingley had succumbed to it quickly. At luncheon the day after Elizabeth arrived to care for her sister, the siblings were seen to have dark circles under their eyes, with nostrils tinged a raw-looking pink. Caroline was forced to press a handkerchief to her dripping nose more than once through the course of the meal, while Charles kept painfully coughing into his. Caroline retired immediately after the meal, complaining of a headache and did not return. Charles sent his apologies down just before supper, saying he too had taken ill and would be staying in his room. Walking past Caroline's door later while checking on Jane, Lizzie heard her sneezing so miserably that  Eliza felt a touch of sympathy for the unpleasant woman.

Mr. Darcy had been the one to carry the news of Bingley's illness to the rest of the party, but Elizabeth had hardly seen him since. She gathered he was either passing the time in his own room or else keeping Charles company. It seemed his immune system was hearty, for he hadn't seemed ill when she had last spoken to him. 

Several days had now elapsed since the onset of Jane's illness, and the eldest Bennett sister was doing much better, and in fact really had no need of a caregiver anymore, though she had said more than once that she was glad Elizabeth was there for the company. With any luck, the sisters would be able to go home in a few days, as long as the others had recovered as well. Elizabeth found this thought encouraging as she continued to explore. 

Eventually she came to a hallway at the far side of the house that she was sure would be a dead end and likely empty, but she preferred to look at it anyway, for perhaps it would have a nice view out the window. The hallway was in fact a dead end, but was far from empty.

Coming around the corner, she stopped short, for at the end of the hallway and facing the window was Mr. Darcy. With some amusement she realized he was about to sneeze, for he was hunched over with his handkerchief pressed to his face and his breath hitching desperately.

"Heh-ZZZIIIH'shieww! HIIHHK'choo!" He did his best to muffle the sound into his handkerchief, but was mostly unsuccessful. The sneezes were wet and miserable-sounding, and while Elizabeth couldn't see his face, she could imagine his equally miserable expression, for he sneezed like someone with a thick, burgeoning head cold.

She had a choice to make. She could very easily walk away and pretend she had seen nothing, leaving him and his cold to their own devices. After all, the fact that he had hidden away in this corner indicated that he didn't want to be discovered, and while he had been overall civil to her since she had come to stay here, his haughty pride and past treatment of her were not quickly forgotten. Or, she could offer him aid.

"Hih'GEHH'shuuh!" This 3rd sneeze, whether part of the trio or on its own (it was hard to be sure) was the most desperate and miserable sounding of them all. His shoulders slumped wearily as he tended to his nose in the aftermath, and she thought she heard him say something like "ick" as he did so as well.

"Bless you, sir," said Elizabeth boldly, coming fully into the hallway. He leapt around as if he'd been shot, his face reddening. She could see him frantically trying to think of a way to explain himself.

"My apologies," he muttered at last, gruffly. "That was most undignified."

"You have no need to apologize, for you didn't know I was here. It is I who should apologize for startling you. However, I wanted to ask after your health, for you sound most unwell."

"I am fine," he muttered, clearly uncomfortable. Looking closer at him, Lizzie saw the flush over his face might not be due entirely to embarrassment, but perhaps also to fever, for his eyes had the same unhealthy cast she had seen in Jane's eyes only a few days before. He was also swaying slightly where he stood, and had a dampness of sweat along his hairline.

"Might I offer to accompany you to your room, sir? You look as if you needed to lie down for a spell."

"That is… unnecessary. I can…." He cut himself off with a rough cough. She could tell he was desperately trying to think of an excuse as to why she shouldn't be the one assisting him. However, they both knew that Charles was sick (quite sick, if the murmurs she'd heard from the staff were to be believed), and that all the servants were overworked as it was with taking care of their master and his sister. 

"I'm sure you're quite busy with your sister. You need not concern yourself with me," he finally rasped. 

"On the contrary, she is resting peacefully, while you are positively trembling and look to be on the verge of collapse from fever. Take my arm and we shall see you to your quarters."

Mr. Darcy hesitated another moment, still casting around for some excuse. Knowing what needed to be done, Elizabeth moved to his side and gently linked her arm around his. She felt her heart flutter as their hands made brief contact. The fleeting thought crossed her mind that this was the first time they had touched. She had certainly imagined it occurring under different circumstances. Shaking away such thoughts, she started to walk, leading the much taller man toward his quarters. Mr. Darcy was enough of a gentleman to follow without further protest. 

As they walked, both of Mr. Darcy's arms were occupied, for the hand that wasn't linked with Elizabeth's was busy pressing his handkerchief to his face. Every few steps his shoulders would twitch, either from a stifled cough or a thick sniffle. She could sense he was desperately trying not to sneeze again. Between that and the fact that his large form was positively radiating heat, Elizabeth found herself quite distracted by him, and watched him intently out of the corner of her eye. The walk was a quiet one, for Elizabeth didn’t want to burden him with conversation when he was clearly otherwise engaged, not to mention ill.

They made it to his room without interruption, sneezing or otherwise. She allowed him to open the door, then she ushered them both in, with more than a little awkwardness on all sides. Mr. Darcy went immediately to sit on his bed, sinking down as if compelled by gravity, leaning his head into his hands as he continued to tremble.

"A headache troubles you as well, then?" she asked after observing his motionless form for a moment.

He nodded pathetically, not looking up. Out of nowhere, and startling them both, his breath hitched violently before a pair of sneezes erupted out of him. Thankfully they were directed at the floor. He pressed his damp handkerchief to his nose hastily, glancing at her and looking embarrassed.

"Forgive me," he muttered thickly, which was followed up with a cough.

"You need not waste your breath asking forgiveness every time you sneeze when you have a cold, for you have precious little breath to spare as it is. However, I must ask, why did you not alert someone of your illness? You are quite unwell, Mr. Darcy. Anyone can see it plainly."

"I did not want to be a bother, as everyone else was also ill. I thought it best to tend to myself."

"Whether or not you alerted someone, you shouldn't have gotten out of bed today. You've certainly made yourself worse by doing so."

He only groaned softly.

Elizabeth sighed to herself. "Please, if I may, let me help you feel more comfortable. You need to rest."

Hesitantly she approached him as he looked up to finally meet her eyes. With a gentle touch she guided him to sit up straighter, then deftly removed his cravat. She sensed more than heard his sigh of relief once it was off, and found herself letting her hand rest on his hot cheek under the pretense of checking his fever. He seemed to enjoy the touch immensely. Her eyes lingered on his face as he sat with his eyes closed, and many thoughts and feelings competed for space in her mind. She did her best to suppress them all.

 After a moment though, she broke the spell, and continued to help him remove his jacket, waistcoat, boots and stockings. He assisted as best he could with these attentions, but said nothing, merely following her every move with his guarded, intense gaze. Once the garments were set aside and he was looking much more loose and comfortable, if also embarrassed to be seen in such an undressed state, she pressed a glass of water into his hands and watched as he drank it down.

She took the glass from him, and setting it down, took up a cold, wet rag. She placed it against the back of his neck and was rewarded with a relieved sigh. From there she bathed the rest of his neck and the bit of chest that was visible, ensuring her gaze stayed far from his, but unable to help a bit of a blush creeping over her cheeks at such acts of intimacy with such a person. With continued gentleness, she pressed him back against the pillows. The movement of course made him cough pitifully. Soaking the cloth once more, she laid it on his forehead and left it there as she straightened the pillows around him.

That done, they simply surveyed each other for a moment. Mr. Darcy looked ill and altogether unimposing, lying in bed as he was, with tired circles under his eyes, a hacking cough, and a dripping nose.

"Are you feeling any better?" she asked hesitantly.

"Some," he grunted. "Now that I'm lying down."

"Excellent. Are you hungry at all? I think perhaps you should eat something."

His intense stare and large, warm presence were making her nervous all over again and causing her to seek escape from the small room.

"I suppose I could eat," he murmured.

"Yes, good. Then let me go fetch you some soup. I'll be back soon." She bustled out of the room immediately, a blush rising to her face, of uncertain cause. She did her best to quiet her racing thoughts as she sped toward the kitchen.

Mr. Darcy, for his part, was totally smitten with her. He was now convinced her fine eyes were the centerpiece of her completely wonderful countenance and figure. He watched the space where the corner of her skirt had disappeared intently, waiting for her return and recalling again and again the feel of her cool hand on his face.

(Part 1 of 2)

[missymurphy1985]

The Groupie (part 5)

Warning - smut - sexting - filth.... Not even remotely sorry.

This is set in 2006/7, and Cillian has no children. Reader is a fan, has been since day one and is a plus size girl. I myself am a UK size 16, so I hope I don't offend anyone with my story (I'm writing about my own insecurities a little here so be kind please).

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @ntmynouis @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @noctvrnalmoth @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen @cilleveryone @peaky-cillian @misselsbells06 @datewithgianni

A week had gone by, you'd gone to write numerous text messages without actually sending them. He was bound to be back in Ireland now, your chance probably gone anyway. you'd even contemplated texting Orla but your nerves once again got the better of you. Ella had been away with her boyfriend all week, but had come back that morning and the two of you were catching up over breakfast.

"So tell me how you know Orla Murphy?" You asked, pouring your coffee.

"I went to school with her! I lived in Ballintemple for a couple of years in my teens, and we stayed in touch. When I saw what happened at the bar I called her to see what was going on. She told me what had happened."

"So you know Cillian too?"

"Of course - that's why he was at the bar that night, I invited them both! Even though he's the oldest and she's the youngest, they've always been the closest of the four Murphy's. He's been trying to get me a record contract!"

"Really? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know you knew him so um... well..."

"Yeah... God I'm such an idiot!! Why can't I just text him?"

"Because those old nerves are playing tricks on you again. Give me your phone."

"What? No!" She was too quick for you. Snatching your phone, she ran off upstairs and locked herself in the bathroom, ignoring your pleas from the other side of the door. She emerged a few minutes later, smirking, handing you your phone back. You quickly opened your texts and you stared at her, open mouthed.

"Ella!!! You can't start a conversation with someone like that!!"

"What? Should get his attention, right?" She winked, before heading to her room. You groaned at the text she'd sent - "You wanna know what I think about every day since that night? What you taste like.." and was quickly writing another explaining what had happened when he replied...

"Well that was an ice breaker." you read. Glancing back at the message Ella had sent him and instantly regretting ever meeting the woman.

"How do you plan on finding out?" Another reply... Oh god... You panicked and instantly shouted Ella who was more than happy to help. You'd never sent dirty texts before, and you didn't want to ruin this chance again. Her eyes glistened with excitement - her and her boyfriend regularly did this so she knew exactly what to say. You couldn't help but feel slightly giddy at this whole experience yourself.

"I'm going to tie you to the chair so you can't touch me."

"You have my attention."

"Your cock looks delicious... Hard and already leaking Mr Murphy... Are you hard now?"

"Maybe."

"My tongue stroking up your shaft... Over the slit at the tip, dipping inside gently..."

"Now I'm hard..." You bit your lip and Ella smirked. She winked and left you to it, you had actually written everything by yourself, turns out you didn't need as much help as you thought.

"I'll take the tip into my mouth... A gently suck, before taking you deep down my throat... Can you feel it?"

"Jesus... What are you doing to me, I'm hard as fucking stone here."

"Show me..."

A photo pinged through and your core clenched at the sight of his hard length - his left hand gripped the base.

"Are you wet? I showed you, now you show me." He asked. You were. Walking into your bedroom, you locked the door behind you. Laying on the bed, you pulled your jeans down to your thighs, leaving your lace underwear on and sliding your hand inside. Taking a quick photo of your hand under the lace, you sent it.

"Fuck... I wanna put my fingers inside you so fucking bad... Where are you?"

"I'm at home.. thinking of your cock buried deep in my throat.."

"Are you alone?"

"Ella's in the next room."

"Call a cab. I'll send my address. Come to me and find out what I taste like."

"I'm not getting a taxi to Dublin!"

"I'm not in Dublin - I'm in London. Call a cab now and get here before my hand does the job your dirty little mouth should be doing."

You didn't hesitate this time. Quickly changing into your favourite summer dress. The address came through and you called a taxi, making a mental note to buy Ella a bottle of wine later.

************************************************************

He had text to say the front door was open and to come straight in. You took a deep breath, pushing the door open and walking inside.

"Upstairs, first door on the right," you heard him shout.

Standing in the doorway, he was sat on the edge of the bed. He approached you slowly, taking your hands and leading you to sit next to him.

"Cill... I have to confess I didn't send that first text, Ella stole my phone..."

"Doesn't matter. You're here now. But I don't want to rush this, I've waited too long for you to come back to me and I can't lose you again."

"You won't lose me again.. I'm so sorry I didn't believe you..." He silenced you with his lips on yours, the kiss slow and passionate, his hands on the back of your neck and your arms snaking under his, around his chest.

"No more talking, we have plenty of time for that later..." You whispered, as he groaned, feeling your hand cup his growing erection under his trousers.

"You've no idea how hard it was not to make myself cum before you got here... That photo you sent me nearly killed me..." You were unbuckling his belt at lightening speed, his trousers and underwear dropping to the floor as you pushed him to sit on his bed. Dropping to your knees you smiled up at him, taking his cock in your hand and stroking it gently. The way his head lolled back and the soft moans from him made your core throb, you could feel how wet you were.

Without warning, you took him in your mouth, relaxing your throat to take him as far down as you could, his hips jerking slightly as your lips nearly made contact with the base of his shaft. His hand tangled into your hair as your mouth pumped against him, drawing fast breaths from above you and a tighter hair grip on your head.

"Fuck... You're gonna find out how I taste really soon if you carry on like that...."

You groaned into him, sending shockwaves through him as he gripped you tighter. You could feel his balls harden under your fingers as you rolled them in your hand, your mouth bringing his orgasm closer and closer.

"Baby... Fuck I'm gonna cum.... Oh god that's it...." A deep groan from above you, his stomach clenched as his warm cum flowed into your mouth. You pulled your mouth off him, allowing him to watch his seed spurt into your open mouth, rolling it around your tongue before swallowing it down.

"You taste good..." You knelt back up and pulled his face towards you, kissing him passionately so he could taste himself. You could feel him smirking under your lips before he pulled away, standing you in front of him.

"I'd have taken your word for it you know," he chuckled, swiftly lifting your short summer dress up and pulling your panties down in one solid movement. He lifted your foot to rest on his thigh, and his head disappeared under your dress, his mouth quickly making contact with your core. Your knees nearly buckled from the sudden impact, as you gripped onto his shoulder and the headboard for support.

"Oh my god that feels good... Oh yes...." Your hips were grinding against his tongue, the hand on his shoulder moving to the back of his head holding him in place. He suddenly pulled away, before laying back on the bed, head on the pillow and beckoning you over to him. You shook your head.

"I'll suffocate you -"

"Shut up and sit on my face..." He ordered, and you bit your lip in anticipation. Hovering over his face, he pulled your hips down and continued his assault, the new angle allowing him to fully explore you. Your hands gripped the headboard as your back arched. The dress was swiftly removed, along with your bra. His strong hands held your hips in place, his tongue finding your clit with precision as he lapped against it, driving you into a near frenzy.

You tried to contain your cries but it was useless - his name fell from your lips, short breathy pants as your orgasm grew close. He moved one of his hands underneath you, slowly inserting two fingers deep inside your soaked pussy, curling them up to find that sweet spot only he had ever been able to.

"Don't stop... Please don't stop..." He had no intention - the speed in which his mouth and fingers fucked you only got quicker and harder as you came hard against his face, your juices flowing onto his chin as he lapped them up hungrily, feeding from you as you came. Lifting your hips and moving down his body, he held you as you rested against his chest, slowly stroking his fingers up and down your spine. You quickly realised your frame may have been too much for him and tried to move but he held you in place, kissing the top of your head gently.

"Don't move... I've waited a year to feel your body close to mine, just let me hold you... Just for a little while longer..." He said softly, and you relaxed into his embrace as your breathing returned to normal. You could feel his heartbeat, pounding through his chest. You were certain he could feel yours too, pounding just as hard, and it had nothing to do with what he'd just done - it just all felt too right. Too perfect.

You felt his erection pressing into your stomach - it had been there since you first lay down but he wasn't in any rush to do anything about it yet. Content just to have you as close as possible. After a few more minutes, he rolled you onto your back, his lips on yours, gently probing your mouth with his tongue and running his hand down your body. You opened your legs and felt him slip inside you, before freezing.

"It's okay - I'm still on birth control..." You smiled, as he began to move slowly. His lips on your neck and collar bone, his hands lifting your legs up over his waist. You wrapped them around him as he thrust gently. Neither of you wanted to rush this moment, the feeling of being connected again.

"I've missed you.. you still feel so good..." He whispered in your ear.

Your nails scraped along his shoulder blades and over his chest as he lifted himself off you slightly, his hips starting to pick up the pace a little.

"Love having you back inside me... Fuck, you fill me up so good Cillian..."

He brought your fingers down to your clit.

"Need you to cum, I can't control myself around you..." You rubbed circles over your swollen clit as he moved quicker. Your second orgasm was already building, your fingers only increasing its intensity.

"You gonna fill me up? Cum so deep in me I can taste it again..." He groaned, his hips pistoning into you now as your words spurred him on, edging him closer.

"Like when I talk dirty to you while you're fucking me? Want me to make a mess over that pretty little cock of yours? My fingers feel so good on my clit.. ah..." His hand was resting against your cheek, your turned your face and took his thumb into your mouth, replicating your earlier actions on his cock as he groaned watching you.

"Oh god... Fuck I'm coming.. baby..." His eyes scrunched closed as he emptied into you, the force of it and the sounds he made sending you over the edge with him. Your mixed juices pooling underneath you.

"Jesus y/n..." You chuckled as he buried his head into your neck, his back rising and falling quickly as he came back down from his high. He gently pulled out of you, kneeling between your legs and running his hands softly over your thighs and groin making you shudder beneath him.

"You're beautiful... And I shouldn't have let you go without a fight y/n."

"I shouldn't have ghosted you.. I'm sorry.. Orla told me the shit Neve put you though."

"When did you see Orla?" You told him about the lunch you'd had with her last week and he laughed.

"She's a sneaky little shit. But I'm glad she did. Now come shower with me, I'm taking you out."

"Where are we going?"

"I don't care where we go as long as we're together."

[lilacmeadows]

Made For You pt. 2

Omg you guys thank you so much for all the support! Part 1 was my first fic and you guys were so sweet. I had to get started on part 2 right away. If you want to be on my taglist, just let me know! This is just leading up to the next few chapters that’s just gonna be FILTHY. I needed a bit of backstory to be satisfied, but now that the boring part is out of the way, I’m gonna go research other names for genitals. Hope you enjoy! -Savvy

BUCKY X READER

Summary: Hydra had just finished training you to be the Winter Soldier’s perfect mate when the Avengers saved him. But what’s going to happen to you now that Hydra has deleted your old life and left you with nothing but a soldier that needs to learn to love himself before he can love someone else.

Part 1    Part 2     Part 3

WARNINGS: explicit sexual content, explicit language, underage reader (nothing sexual happens underage), stockholm syndrome, mentions of family death, eventual dom/sub dynamics, mentions of captivity and kidnapping. violence- guns, mutual pining, eventual smut, fluff, angst if you squint (must be 18+)

WORD COUNT:  2.9k

“Make the Soldat happy. He is my mission.” 

When she was first taken, of course she was scared. She didn’t know why, where she was going, if she’d be rescued. It was a painful adjustment, and some days it was as if the tears would never stop. It’s not like she was worth anything to anyone who mattered, her family wasn’t rich. Just her mom and brother. They lived a happy and normal life. 

She’d guess it didn’t really matter. At the age of 10, y/n was old enough to understand basic concepts, carry a conversation with adults, and she had strict teachers in school, so she knew how to behave. 

What she didn’t know was how to be a wife. Or a ‘life-partner’. None of the Men would ever call her a future ‘wife’. She was training to be a mate. Someone the Soldat could own and connect with so he didn’t fly off the rails if things got out of control. If he got out of their control. Every morning, a watcher would wake her up at 8AM so she could stretch, eat, and meditate. By 10AM, her first trainer of the day would come in and teach her the schooling she was missing. Just basic math and reading, a little German, and a little Russian. Not enough for her to eavesdrop on their plans, but enough to understand her Soldat if he didn’t feel like speaking English. 

At 1PM, another trainer would come and bring her to the small kitchenette down the hall. They had no intention of domesticating the ‘couple’, but she was learning to be a woman- of course the Men would have her start in the kitchen. She would learn very simple meals that could feed a fully grown man, and usually had something light for lunch herself. The men brought her the other 2 meals a day. At 3PM she would have lessons on ‘Womanhood’. At least that’s what she called it. A trainer would come in and teach her a never-ending list of rules that she had to follow in order to be a ‘lady’. It reminded her of an old Barbie movie she would watch when she was little. There was a song called ‘To Be a Princess’, where a poor girl learned how to act proper. Once she started seeing herself as that princess, the days got a little easier. Some days, they would go over how to sit and lie down like a lady. Others, they would walk laps around the halls open to her, reviewing how to walk on the balls of her feet. She learned to talk in short sentences with excellent manners, and how to brush her hair, so she could look more presentable for her Soldat. 

Over the years of compliance, the trainers softened on her just as the watchers had. Of course, they were still horrible people, but they knew she was a kind girl at heart and wouldn’t cause trouble. Some days, she would be made to sit perfectly still with a stack of books on her head, while her trainer would tell her something silly happening outside the walls of the building that became her home. She learned little bits of information about their lives, music, art. But never anything political or having to do with who the Men even worked for. That was strictly forbidden. They would let her color in her free time. Sometimes a watcher would bring a book from his home for her to read, and when she was old enough, she was given a few colors of yarn and started knitting sweaters and scarves on plastic needles. She didn’t have a clock, but she would learn by the rotating shifts of her watchers what time of day it was.

There were children whose lives sucked more than hers. And for that, she was grateful.

When she got older (let’s say 18), the training started to change. She never knew what day it was, or even what year. She had stopped keeping track so long ago, but the changes were made gradually. She would be made to read books on intimacy, and then watch videos of men brutally ravishing ladies about her size. She had to learn what to do to please her Soldat, without being taught physically. This made her happy. The thought of any of the watchers or trainers doing that to her made her sick. And everyone thought it was in her best interest to be completely innocent to the touch of a man when she has her first encounter with the Soldat.

Which turned out exactly as planned. But on the day Steve and Sam plucked her out of her bedroom, she was not expecting the Soldat to be sitting right in front of her. In all his glory.

The quinjet was eerily silent for all of seven seconds before Clint had the audacity to continue the conversation he started.

“You make the soldier happy?” was the best the shocked man could come up with.

“I haven’t met him yet, but I’m ready. They made me ready for him.” y/n said with bright, hopeful eyes. Her words flowed so easily, they sounded rehearsed.

“Do we tell her?” Tony asked Steve, who was getting greener by the second. He couldn’t believe he just got his best friend back, not two weeks ago, and now he has to worry about a girl who’s obsessed with said best friend.

“I don’t think we really have a choice.” Steve replied, taking a deep breath. The whole quinjet looked like they were holding their breath. y/n still didn’t know the names of the three men on the opposite side of the quinjet. Two of them standing together, pausing their conversation, and the brooding man, who everyone keeps looking at.

“y/n, meet Bucky.” Steve said, pointing at the man across from her. But ‘Bucky’ went completely over her head- the name being unfamiliar to her.

“Hello, sir. Pleased to meet you.” She said, offering a genuine smile, but clearly not picking up what Steve was putting down. Clint chimed in again, wanting to be out of his confused misery.

“Wait a second. Y/n. You mean the soldier, as in the Winter Soldier?” Y/n immediately nodded at hearing that name. She knew her Soldat went by that name. “As in that guy right there?” 

Her eyes went wide at the realization. He was sitting right in front of her. Staring at her since the minute she stepped onto the plane. And he was gorgeous. Long hair, thick thighs, piercing blue eyes, and a jaw that could probably cut glass. But he looked upset. Pissed really, and that scared her. She had one job: Make the Soldat happy. And there she was, barely presentable. She hadn’t even addressed him properly, how she was taught. With all the eyes on her, she felt a blush rush through her whole body at the embarrassing thought. But she had to. He wouldn’t like her if she didn’t follow the rules she grew up with.

Y/n daintily stood up and walked until she was right in front of Bucky. He held her eye contact the entire way, still not having said one word during this whole exchange. She gently knelt down until she was on her knees in front of him. 

“I hope I can make you happy, my Soldat. I am a gift from the Men who take care of us, and I am entirely yours.” Bucky’s jaw twitched. He hadn’t said anything this whole time, but his mind was moving at lightning speed. He watched this gorgeous, barely dressed girl sit across from him, and was already in awe. But then that girl got on her knees and declared her loyalty to him? In front of everyone he knows? He couldn’t lie to himself, he’d never been more turned on. But everything about this was wrong. She was just a Stockholm Syndrome’d girl who wanted to follow orders. But her orders were to make him happy. He finally broke eye contact with her to see Tony’s shocked face looking over at Bruce and Thor, to make sure he’s not hallucinating this. 

“Y/n, you should stand up.” He said to her in a hushed tone. Probably harsher than he meant to. He could see her visibly take a breath at the sound of his voice, his eyes followed the gentle slope of her neck down to her breast. She dreamed for years about what his voice would sound like, and it just rolled over her. But she quickly obeyed and stood in front of his seat. He expected her to say something else, but she was silent then. Her previous outburst was one of the few exceptions to her ‘only talk when spoken to’ rule. “What do you want? Where is your family so we can take you home?” He asked her. She could feel the tears well up in her eyes. He didn’t want her was all she could assume. She was made for him, so why was he turning her away?

“I want to make you happy, sir. It’s all I want. Please let me be good for you. I promise, I’ll be so good for you.” Begging was familiar to her from her studies. She didn’t expect to be begging for her to be able to please him, but she would do whatever it took to get him to keep her.

“No. Y/n. This isn’t right. You were being kept there, whatever Hydra told you to do is over. You’re free now.” The tears flowed freely down her cheeks and it broke his heart. She tried to cover her face with her hands. He didn’t want to see her cry, nor did he want to turn her away, but he also couldn’t just let her be his sex slave. It wasn’t right. 

“Please don’t be sad. This is for the best-” He tried to reason with her, but when he took her hand off her face so she would look at him, the contact only made her sob harder. This was all she wanted. 

“Buck, I think we should just let her sit for a minute. Can you grab her some water? Tony and I will try to figure out where she was from.” Steve said to Bucky- trying to end this painful and awkward situation. Bucky stood and walked to another area of the quinjet. He was grateful to be able to use this time to think.

“Y/n, we’re gonna need your help to get you home okay. What’s your last name? How old are you?” 

“Y/L/N” And then she went quiet. It never occurred to her that she didn’t know how old she was. Of course, she remembered her birthday, but she couldn’t tell the weeks and months apart, so she hadn’t celebrated it since she turned 10 in 2006. “What year is it?”

“When did they take you?” Steve asked gently. Being a man from another time, he could remember well the day he woke up in 2011 when it was supposed to be 1944. He knew how jarring it was to discover all the time that’s been lost, and wanted to spare her that grief.

“2006. I was 10.” She looked at him, and she could tell it’s not just 2008 by the look on his face. She knew her body went through changes over her time with the Men, but between the ‘dietary supplements’ they gave her, and the fact that she wasn’t looking in a mirror- much less shopping for clothes- she didn’t realize she had fully completed puberty. 

“Y/n, it’s 2016. You’re 20 now.” And that made the tears come harder. But she wasn’t so upset about the 10 years of her life. She was mad at 20 years of her life wasted. Since Bucky didn’t want her, all of the training was for nothing. She knew living for him made her the definition of a broken person- she wasn’t dumb. The idea of her Soldat was what grounded her all that time. When she was lonely, she’d think about the man the Men always tell her about. They told her how he was their ‘greatest asset’. And she often fantasized about if he would fall in love with her. So by the time she met him, she had already been in love with him for much longer than she’d care to admit- which makes the heartbreak of rejection hurt that much more.

Unfortunately for Bucky, his heart was heavy too. He tucked away into the tiny bed area on the jet after quickly handing Steve the water to give to y/n. It was too much. Being in that room with her, she looked at him like he hung the moon. But he most certainly had not. He was a murderer. Tony’s father was a scientist during the war, and Bucky knew him pretty well through Steve. And he killed him. He had scattered memories of hurting dozens of people, so why would she be so willing to be with someone like him?

Part of him wanted it. After almost a century of not owning anything and not having a choice, he was given the opportunity to have something that belonged only to him. A gift from the men who take care of us. If it wasn’t cruel, he would have laughed in her face. Maybe she was taken care of, but he most certainly wasn’t. She was brought in young enough to still be under the impression that Hydra wasn’t evil, just strict. He imagined for a minute how things could have turned out for the two of them if he hadn’t gotten free. If Hydra really was planning on giving him a gift. He didn’t like the last gift they gave him in the shape of an arm, but y/n was perfect. She was the perfect size for him- although his broad frame could dwarf most women. And her smile pulled at his heart.

He wanted to kiss her the minute he saw her. He knew he wanted to make her his.

And that was bad.

He rubbed his hand over his face and decided to rejoin the group in the middle of their conversation. Thor and Bruce decided to stop being passive members of the conversation and introduced themselves. Y/n was very confused at Thor’s proclamation as ‘God of Thunder’, but with all that was happening, she didn’t feel it was her place to question it.

“- a good thing we have spare rooms at the compound. You can stay as long as you like.” Tony finished speaking to y/n just as Bucky was walking into the room. “We’re gonna have a new house guest MC.” He waggled his eyebrows at the man who caught the back half of that conversation.

Bucky’s jaw dropped. This would only make the situation much harder than it needed to be. He looked to Steve for an explanation. The blond stood up and made his way over to Bucky.

“Look, Hydra scrubbed her records off of every database and-” He took a deep sigh, “Her family is dead, Buck. They probably killed them after they took her.” 

Then it was Bucky’s turn to sigh. He knew the right thing to do was to help her, but he also knew how much he wanted to feel her soft skin in his hands. And that made her dangerous to be around. 

What nobody knew was why Hydra took the 10 year old from Georgia. In 2006, the Winter Soldier was sent on a mission to kill a scientist that lived there. Of course the poor guy didn’t have a chance when the Soldier was sitting in his house, waiting for him when he got home, but what the Soldier wasn’t expecting was a little girl to be coming inside with him. The scientist looked sleazy and didn’t have any children, so who knows what would have happened to her if the Soldier didn’t get there in time. She screamed and cried. The comm in his ear commanded him to kill the girl for being a witness. But the part of the Soldier that was still Bucky wanted her to be safe. He shushed the little girl and asked her for her address. When she recited it to him, he rubbed her head and told her she was a good girl, before he dug his metal fingers into the child’s pressure points and she fell limp into his arms. y/n woke up in her bed, crying at the bad dream she must have had- her mother not even home yet. That was the first act of defiance Hydra ever experienced from the Winter Soldier. First sign of humanity and compassion. They knew if the mind control was getting weaker, he would be harder to control next time they unfroze him, but his protective nature of the girl would make her an asset to them.

Her capture was arranged before his heart was fully frozen in the chamber. Neither Bucky nor y/n remembered this- Bucky only remembering parts of his time under their control, and y/n never thinking about that bad dream again, but the connection was still there as strong as it was that day 10 years ago.

Part 3